It has been a bad week so far. I keep getting these threats from my husband that he's going to leave me becaus eI spent to much money (our bills are all paid and on time and he was mad over a few small amounts from a 2nd account) He's is always telling me that if I did this or that he'd leave me. It's like sometimes I think he wants to but is looking for a reason. It terrifies me because I have no one to turn to, no job, no credit. I have pushed my family away and don't have to many friends left. I have 2 children who I could not go on without and I know if we ever were divorced he'd take them from me. (i also have bad anxiety and I'm always paraniod about bad things happening) Today my grandmother kept pushing me and I finaly lost it with her and started yelling at her telling her I couldn't take it anymore. I have bought her a house to live in to take care of her and she wont move or do anything she is supposed to. Instead she keeps buying useless stuff and asking me for more money. I've had all I can take from everything. I'm at my breaking point right now and just dont know what to do about anything. I'm so tired of being depressed and angry. I don't like my small children seeing there mom crying in a ball on the floor from having a nervous breakdown. I'm scared to talk to my husband because I don't want him thinking I'm going to turn out like the other crazy people in my family
Hey, i know what its like to have a bad day that just wont quit. For instance I just lost my car keys .... In front of the hotel on top of a mountain... In the rain... With kid and dog.. And upset husband thinking I lost my marbles..
My mom had real bad depressions when I was a kid. I saw her crying all the time. It annoyed me but at the same note I was terrified when I got home and did't see her right away bc I thought she might hang inthe closet. I think the best thing Ou can do is to talk to your kids and tell them mommy is sad right now. But PLEASE make sure to tell them it is not their fault and not their job to take care of you. Just let them be carefree and gi e them the confidence( even if you just fake it) that you cN take care of yourself.
When it comes to your hubby.. Sounds more like he is scared of you leaving him.. So he needs to keep face and keep one up on you and strike first so tp speak. Being around smdy that is feeling blue makes ppl anxious. They actually reseached that.
Maybe try to start finding your inner core again, your quiet place where you feel safe and relaxed. Start some breathing excercises or better ( if health allows it) go outside breathe some fresh air... But do it consciously. Remember that each exhale releases some of that garbage and every inhale brings in new hope and strenght.
Do smtg with the intend of making yourself feel better... Not cure depression notake the hubby more peaceful. Just knowing you are doing it. Focus on the process! That reminds your mind that you have control and that it is safe to trust yourself bc you will be there.
Breathe and know you are thought of from far across the ocean!
Thanks. You helped me feel a little better. Today started out just as bad. It feels like I am losing my mind. I only have one close friend but she is about to move. My life as a child was tramatic to say the least. My mom was on prozac for years in order to deal with my drunken dad and was just numb to everything which is why I wont take anything. It did more damage. My son (5) put his arm around me this morning and said it's ok mommy dont be sad. and then rubbed my arm. it was very sweet. i told him how much i love him and that i have the sweetest boy there is. I hate that my children are seeing me crying the last 2 days so much. It just feels like I am losing everyone and my mind. it's so overwhelming. I just started this site yesterday. It's feels better knowing that I am not alone and there are others to talk to that understand how i feel.
Hey, what is it with things going from bad to worse? We were supposed to buy a house, I drove there with dog and kid and hubby took off work... Only to hear that they don't want to sell anymore. Then I got stuck in the fog up on a swiss mountain, then lost my key to the car and now have to get the car towed down the mountain to the next city. So... I don't know much abt luck anymore either. Seems also like I am going crazy... How can I lose my keys between the front door and the hotelroom??? The whole thing is going to be sooooo pricey!
I also just started this two days ago, i just needed to feel loke somebody gives a **** and I am not at fault and going totally crazy. Hopefully!
I hate those days. Seems like nothing is going to go right. I know things will get better.It's just harder to see that on bad days. It seems like the world is out to get you! My husband is fine one minute then he is mad at me for omething or telling i can't something. I never know what to expect when i see him. it's getting frustrating. he just sounds different when i do talk to him. Of course I've been so depressed for the last 2 days so it hasn't helped either. DOn't feel bad. I managed to lose keys (that I never did find) between my truck and the front door. It was the only set we had to.Maybe there is a key fairy like the sock fairy in the dryer that steals my socks :) Hope it goes better for you. It's nice to have somewhere to talk and not think you're alone or at least the only one who thinks they are crazy.
You know the difficult thing is that when you're already feeling stressed and insecure it feels that things are just out to get you. I've screamed at inanimate objects as if it would be able to hear and say sorry for being so difficult!
I know what you mean by not knowing what's around the corner with your guy. I hate these emotional landmines. We can sit at dinner, have a nice chat and then bam... Smtg upset him and he's all mopey. I hate that..espescially when there is this double standard. When I react like that then I'm instable or just venting my stuff on him.
It does drive a wedge between us because I don't feel like I can defend myself theway I would like to. I just get quiet. I never used to be like that. Now I start resenting him for being like that... But I know he does too. It terrifies me to have these problems! I a so scared we are headed into this loveless marriage and eventual split. I don't want that. He is a good guy and has never hurt me or has ever cheated. But we had just so much crap coming our way that it just started taking its toll on both of us. We both want the other to be the strong one. So we keep dissapointing each other all the time. We both feel like total losers. And I keep asking myself what we're being punished for. What lesson did we not learn...??