I feel wrong. I'm just about to turn 29 and I have Male Patt

I feel wrong. I'm just about to turn 29 and I have Male Pattern Baldness. I was diagnosed 2 years a go and it is completely dominating my life. I've spoken to councillors, confided in friends, shared my feelings with my family (though they have given up on me) and I cannot get past it.

I had strong, dark red hair and throughout my life until the last couple years and from a young age it quickly became my identity. Despite being bullied at school for it, I learned to embrace and love my red hair. It's a part of my personality and now It's falling out in front of my eyes. I spent much of my teenage years unwell with problems regarding my immune system. This stripped me of much of my youth, but in recent months I have begun to recover, though my hair lose is now consuming my thoughts. The temples have receded quite far with signs of worsening, the crown is ever widening and it overall feels thin/flat and wispy. I've tried Minoxidil and a herbal substitute for Finasteride, alongside Low Laser Light Therapy but I'm losing my battle with male pattern baldness.

I check the mirror too often, I search the internet seeking new treatments and solutions, praying I'll wake up and see a cure has been discovered and see the same aggravating message pop up saying "There's no cure for male-pattern baldness, but some medications can slow it down. Minoxidil is an FDA-approved, over-the-counter treatment you apply to your scalp. It slows the rate of loss and helps some guys grow new hair" and that seems to be the answer to EVERY question, even when I'm trying to gather more information on balding, I take photograph upon photograph of the top of my head, crown and temples, I inspect my hair after showing to evaluate if it's more see-through than when I checked after the last shower... I'm obsessed. No amount of therapy, nor distraction appears to help.

I've tried focusing on the good aspects of my life! tried to better myself in other mediums, contemplated shaving the whole thing off (though I absolutely haven't the head for it and I'm not nearly attractive enough to pull it off) and I feel so ****, f****** low. I'm at that point where I don't know what to do and I WISH it didn't bother me as much as it does. I have friends who are losing their hair, but having spoken to them on the subject, they seem fine and quite content. Why am I not willing to accept it? Why does being told to get over it or man up anger me so much? Why do I look at older men with full heads of hair and perfect hairlines with such envy and distain? I obviously didn't win the genetic hair lottery, but why should it matter so much when so many others are balding alongside me? I'm depressed, feel utterly alone with no support and undoubtedly have a real problem. This obsession is ruining me.

It sounds like you definitely need a mental and emotional break from all of this. I'm realy sorry you have to deal with this. Try to change your focus for a while and find ways to relax because your problem isn't going anywhere right? So it can wait while you take time out to slow your mind down and take some deep breaths.
Look up relaxtion breathing techniques and start doing them a few times a day there are plenty of short ones to pick from. I get it most people do worry about hair loss. How do you feel about tattoos? Save alot of your hair when you do get it trimmed put it in a baggy. Maybe some day you could get your head tattooed with something meaningful to you and incorporate the color of your hair in the art that would look good. There are so many different types of tattoos some are very light in color or go deep and bold or a little of both.
Who could blame you for being obsessed over it. Hopefully in time you will get things figured out so you can have some peace.

1 Heart

I appreciate your kind words. At this stage I am considering shaving it down VERY short in order to familiarise myself more with my head shape. No, I do not like my head from what I can tell and no I do not have the face shape for it, but I don't want to continue wearing a thinning, lifeless straw like bob on the top of my head, especially as it continues to worsen. I'm not ready to shave it clean and I may chicken out on the buzz cut, but I don't really have many other options other than attempting a transplant, which I cannot afford and even if I could, I'd spent years going in for more operations to chase the continuing balding and likely never be satisfied as the procedure creates more of an illusion rather than regaining your original hair density and coverage.

Since my last post I've had more arguments with my family and it has to stop. I wish they could continue to support and sympathise with me, but at this stage they're just sick of my obsessing, my attitude and I don't want to cut myself off from them drive my Mum into and early grave. I hate having to make this compromise, and I likely won't be happy going forward, but it's better than doing nothing and living miserably, over making a decision and having to live with it.

Thank you again for responding to me and it's anyone's guess what'll be around the corner for me.

@ThunderRed I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I’m positive there are a lot of other men out there going through the same thing and having a really hard time like you. Not everyone takes it lightly.
I believe you will feel more peace after you decide what steps you need to take. So when you go for your next haircut don’t get it shaved super close just go shorter than you normally do, take smaller steps so you don’t freak yourself out. Let yourself get accustomed to your hair being shorter and styled differently. Google hairstyle pictures for thinning hair. I think fades and undercuts are sharp looking.
You are really young to have to deal with hair loss. I know people much younger than you that have thinning hair. My grandfather was going bald at 18 and all 4 of his sons went bald. Most men and women eventually lose hair as they age some not very much but most do lose quite a bit just not that young. You might look better than you think with real short hair, like I said start looking at pictures you might find a few that you like.