I grew up with a tyrant of a mother a physically and mentally abusive woman that made my life hell growing up. She had depression, bipolar, and her own abused past. She took alot out on me beating me with hangers, belts, brooms, pots and pans, and fists. It happen for years and my extended family knew of the problem but back then people didn't step in or how to approch her. I loved her but hated her too. The mental abuse was just as bad she made me feel like I ruined her life and told me almost everyday. She would tell me she was going to my special events and never show up. Even as I got older it got bad the beatings never stopped. I only once stopped her from hitting me and she fell andshe called the cops on me and made me a 15 year old kid sit at the police station and made to feel like I hit my mother and I dare not say anything because i was scared what she may do if i told. I moved away shortly after this and never fixed things with her. I am 31 now and have three beautiful children. I battle with cancer and depression that take a toll on me mentally and I feel when my kids get into trouble I yell at them to stop and I catch myself feeling like I sound like her. I know that the abused can turn into the abuser and this scares me. I have never hit my children nore would I, but I do have a temper and I have caught myself. I am seeing a shrink now to deal with my anger so I will never turn into her. Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this and bury the nightmares I have?
pzo6280, my life was similar in many ways although mom used paddes and her hands. i'mso very sorry you had to go thru all that you did. the fact that you are here and will be seeking therapy is great. may i suggest that the nightmares not be buried, they should be brought into the light for the healing hun. hang around the site and post oftern/ we'll be here for ya
I haven't gotten that far in therepy and I will bring it up this week to see what he thinks.
we are all different as to the pace at which we move in our healing hun, as long as you keep going to therapy, you'll get there honey. just keep pluggin away at it. i'm so proud of you for taking that step and hanging out here with us. look forward to hearing your updates as you progress along your journey