I Finally Told

I got the family together and told them that my sister's fiance raped me when I was 9. My only sister blamed me. I only told because I saw that her ex-fiance is now on the sex offender's list for molesting his own daughter by a new wife. I feel bad that I waited this long. If I'd had told sooner maybe she would have been safe. I am so sorry.
Now the only family I know has disowned me.

Please don't blame yourself for the actions of your sister's ex-fiance.Its good that you opened up and told them, which must have been terrible for you not knowing what their reaction.

Maybe it is a shock to their systems, and they don't know what to do, maybe leave it for a while and they might come to their senses.

As for you, if this is still bothering and your still shocked about what happened in your childhood maybe you should seek some professional help.

Good Luck and Stay Strong. :)

A x

Thank you for inspiration. I have been seeking ,professional help but need to have a support group.

you did the right thing in telling. keeping it in is not healthy. I know I have kept it in... I have never told my family for I fear the same reaction. I have told my therapist and I have worked thru many of my issues and I have told friends and my current boyfriend knows. But I really would love to ask my sister how she let it happen in her house and did not know it was happening. I really would love to ask my parents how they did not know what was going on.

You did NOT do anything wrong. I hope that as AandG4ever says maybe after they get over the shock of it they will be there to support you.

Please consider talking to a professional about the feelings that you must be having right now. You I am sure are reliving the rape and in a way must be feeling violated all over again by their blaming you.

You came forward when you were finally able to. I often also wonder did he sexually abuse anyone else. But what I have come to accept is even if he did he was the one that abused them not me and I am not to blame. I know you feel bad and that you may have been able to stop it but if they are not believing you now they may not have believed you then either. You may not have been able to stop it. You can not control his actions and you are NOT to blame.

You are NOT responsible either for what he did to you or to his daughter.

I am proud of the courage it took to tell your family. Stand tall and stay strong.

Thank you for your kind words. I am really sorry I told but knew that I had to because he is the grandfather of my great niece and he wanted to keep her for the weekends and I was afraid of what may happen to her. Today, I just learned that my newphew (his son) was molested by his aunt (my rapist’s sister) at the same age. He has never told anyone and is now in his late 30’s. I finally hope and pray that my great neice has not been affected by him. It just hurts so bad because my family lost my parents and my only brother within eighteen months of each other and it is just my sister and I and our kids that are left in this world. I just wanted the kids to be safe. I am trying to stay strong. Thank you for your encouraging words.

You did the right thing in telling. It is not your fault at all and letting things like that out will help you start to heal. You have to let things out when you are ready and what he did to others you could not control at all so try not to give yourself a hard time for taking this long to let it be known.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! how could your sister blame you? I think she's just in denial that her ex was a sex offender and she was with him. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family isn't supportive. Have you seen a counselor to talk about this?

unsure, welcome to the site! and thank you so so much for opening up, not only here, but especially to your family.

it was the absolute right thing to do, hell, it was the only thing and not only will you have helped those children but hopefully yourself too!! and by sharing on here even people you don't know will benefit.
you are so brave and strong, and such a caring person, to put your own worries and fears aside for the sake of others' wellbeing. this is simply amazing and i sincerely hope that you acknowledge and believe the good you have just done.

i am terribly sorry for everything you have gone through, i am sorry for your losses, i can only imagine how hard the past and present must be for you. yet here you are holding on and standing tall!! what an inspiration.

you said you needed a support group and although this is only online, you're at the right place!!! everyone here is so understanding and supportive, it really couldn't be better so keep talking to us as often as you need.
but i assume that you do still want a 'live' group. do still see a counselor no and if so could s/he recommend anything? or maybe your doctor?
i can see from your profile you're in maryland, does anyone here have any suggestions for groups?

no matter what, please do realize that you've done the right thing even if your family may currently not see that (i hope they'll turn around). but nothing has been your fault in any way, remember this at all times!

lots of love
maedi

Thank you for your support. I am seeing a therapist but only for medication. I have found a few support groups but they start at $80 and I can't afford to do that right now. I will keep posting. I've been feeling a little down lately but will stay in touch. I really appreciate all the responses. It helps me to keep going. Thanks again.

there are therapists that do a sliding scale for payment. So they go by what you can pay. Right now I pay $25 a session and even that’s a bit much b/c I’m a student and make like no money so it’s cutting into my food money but therapy is helpful. I was reluctant at first but it helps. It really does.

not sure what part of md you are in.. but when I lived in md the hospital in tacoma park... can't remember the name of it but it is the one run by the 7th day adventists .... had a great mental health section and they took most insurances and did sliding scales for people w/out insurance... That was a number of years ago but if you are near there that area it wouldn't hurt to call them...

Good luck

you did the right thing.eventually this pain and depression will become bearable i promise

A child is never responsible for any abuse that is thrown upon them. I was 7 yrs old when my dad starting sexually abusing me. It stopped when I was 18. I carried guilt around for a very long time. Then, with lots of therapy, I realized that the question was, " What could a 7 yr. old possibly do to entice a man, a dad, a preacher, a pillar of the community, to repeatedly defile his own daughter?" And of course the answer is: it is not within the child but within the monster the man himself created.