I found out I have this incurable horrible disease about 3 w

I found out I have this incurable horrible disease about 3 weeks ago. I honestly wish I was no longer alive. I feel disgusting, angry, confused and I hate myself. I use protection and yet I end up with this. I thought I had a rash and was devastated when my doctor looked at it and said 'herpes'. A swab test confirmed her visual diagnosis as well as an IGG blood test. I just told my bf today after staying away from him since my diagnosis. I don't think he'll want me anymore after this which I don't blame him. I am so mad! I obviously had my first outbreak in December but the Dr told me it was a spider bite or an allergic reaction...prescribed me some cream for the itch and sent me on my way. The rash returned and I went to my primary care doctor and found out I'll be an outcast for the rest of my life. I haven't told anyone except my bf who more than likely hates me. I hate me and my only prayer is that I don't wake up in the morning. I don't wanna go out in public for fear of infecting others. I just go to work, stay quiet and go home. This is absolutely devastating and I hate myself.

Come on now. You are being very harsh on yourself. First things first. How long have you been witg the bf? So you have had it longer than 3 months then. Condoms dont prevent hsv unfortunately. Why would your bf hate you. 3 weeks is only a short time to deal with this. Educate yourself and realise its a virus and a common one at that. You can deal with this. It is not the end of life as you know it. It just takes time.

@lisajd I honestly don’t think I’m being hard on myself. This is horrible. It’s not possible to tell how long I’ve had it which is nerve wrecking. I’ve been constantly reading about HSV and I still have so many questions. I didn’t know this could be on your skin and not your genitals. I’ve been with my bf for about 4 months. He came along after I started accepting being single for life. I’m so embarrassed and angry. And he does hate me now unfortunately. I don’t blame him even though I had no idea I had this.

A blood test that is positive indicates you had it longer than 3 months. He could have psssed it to you. What type is it and where was the outbreak?

@lisajd The blood test was positive. My doctor said that more than likely my first outbreak was in December when the Urgent Care doctor said it was a spider/insect bite or an allergic reaction and gave some cream. The rash came back in the same area on my buttocks. I would have never thought herpes since I knew so little about it and it wasn’t on my genitals. My bf and I didn’t start having sex until February so he didn’t give it to me.

Hsv1 is oral so cold sores as a child most likely. Hsv2 well thats from sex. If you go to herpes.com and herpesopportunity.org i think it is. Really learning about the virus will help you and that's what I suggest you actually start with at this point in time but don't research it to death. I think that the guy that you have seen is pretty mean but he also could be trying to deal with the thought himself and don't rule out that he doesn't have it and has given it to ur other

@lisajd I’ve never had a cold sore though. As a kid, I rarely got sick. I don’t think I got this from my bf since my doctor said my first outbreak was in December of 2016 and he and I didn’t start having sex until February of 2017. He’s actually a good guy and I feel horrible knowing I may have passed this horrible disease to him. I apologized so many times and told him I’d never knowingly put him at risk for anything. Just when I actually have a meaningful relationship, this happens. He asked if slept with someone else since we started sleeping together and I honestly have not. I couldn’t even bring that to my mind to do. I told him I wouldn’t bother him anymore, apologized again and told him I totally understand why he wouldn’t want me anymore. He said that he hadn’t made a decision about that but I know he doesn’t. Why would he? It would be great to get a job in another state right about now. That way I can stay to myself and be in a place where no one knows me.
I asked my doctor if this was something that could be terminal if untreated and she said no. I wish it was so I would be put out of my misery.

Trust me. It gets better ! I learned to stop trying to figure out how it happened or who I got it from .. it only drove me insane and into a deeper (scary) depression.

@Ashleyyb I can’t see past this. I can’t get through one day without crying. I pass off my red eyes for my allergies or just being tired.

I understand. I cried for days after I found out. I hated myself. I beat myself up so bad. I fell into this depression , thankfully my boyfriend & best friend helped me slowly but surely. It DOES get better. You're allowed to cry. Get it all out. But KNOW that today won't be everyday. It'll get better ..it's all about loving yourself (again ) .

@Ashleyyb You are soooo lucky. I’m not that fortunate and I just want everything to end. I’m not going to harm myself but I just hope I don’t wake up in the morning. My life was already miserable and this recent diagnosis has made it worst.

I'm far from lucky. And I understand exactly how you feel. I'm here to chat if you need it. Life will get better. ( I know you don't believe it , but I'll believe it for you )

I don't know if you've experienced a outbreak or not .. but have you heard of lysine ?

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@Ashleyyb Yes I’ve had 2 outbreaks on my buttocks. The first one was in December of 2016 and I thought it was a spider bite. I went to Urgent Care was given cream and sent on my way. The second outbreak was in April in the same spot so I went to the doctor within 2 days and was diagnosed. My doctor couldn’t explain why the doctor in Urgent Care didn’t recognize or properly diagnose me. I didn’t even know this could be on your skin and not on your genitals.
I have heard of Lysine and plan on taking it to surprise this thing. I also ordered some olive leaf extract oil as I read up on natural remedies to surpress and possibly eliminate this horrific thing. I’ve also been using tea tree oil on the area of my outbreak, although it’s healed, and on my lower back since the virus sits in your spinal fluid. I honestly wish I could inject all three in my spinal fluid to kill the virus.

You are more likely to keep getting reoccurrence is on your buttocks but the whole general area is the boxer short area so you can still get out brakes on your thigh and your genitals. My first outbreak was at the top of my genitals and I have had it near my anus other times. Your dr is partially correct.

@lisajd Huh? My doctor said I won’t get an outbreak anywhere else. I’ve read about this horrible incurable disease and I haven’t seen anything about an outbreak being anywhere else.

Genital herpes is the boxer short area. So bum anus genitals and thigh. It really is not as horrible as you are making it out it to be it is actually a virus not a disease Herpes simplex virus

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@lisajd I appreciate you telling me this isn’t that bad but for me it really is. There’s no real understanding of this horrific punishment I have. As soon as I think I understand something, I don’t. I just want it all to end. Life is just not worth it for me.

Hi hun. Yes , most of our outbreaks will be in that area but you can get them elsewhere. also , start writing down whenever you begin a outbreak so you can start to learn your triggers of what brings it on. Whether it is your diet , stress , etc.