I guess I have been back one week from Treatment

I am eating ok...Although food is not something I want, just something I do right now. I did something I probably shouldn't have, but I could not help myself. I renewed my gym membership. Against Dr.s orders, Dititians orders, Wifes and family orders, but I haven't told anyone. I didn't tell anyone yet, and I don't really want to. I did like I was supposed at the Hospital for half of my stay and I abstained. I ate, I waited, I listened, I put on weight, now they still want me to wait and it has been over two months. The truth is, I do not think I can control myself in there, but I want to go... I enjoy it, I hate it, but it is mine....

Little Big Man, you have come so far, can you refrain from the gym for a while longer. Your doctor and family have your best interest at heart, and if you can just make it through this period and the recommended time away, then it will positively impact the rest of your life. Just think of the short period of time away versus the rest of your life. Please stay strong and steer clear of the gym for now.

I am here to help you through this in any way that I can. I'm so proud of how far you've come. You are so strong and so wonderful...you can do this!

Thank you for the Vibes… I can’t help but say that my fear for the gym is probably as high as any I faced, except for walking into the cafeteria and the hospital every day. To be honest, I can barely remember the first three weeks, it is like a haze in my memory. Seen through a haze of tears, anxiety and dread.
At night I had nightmares and during the days I counted the minutes from meal, to snack, to meal, and snack again and so on until the day was mercifully over.
We rarely ever patted eachother on the back for facing a challenge, it was like we were doing something fundamentally against our own character and did not want to hear that it was a good thing or something to be proud of…

Like…You are getting fat…Good Job

Hi Little Big Man, Happy Happy New Year! How are you doing now and how are you feeling? I think that what you're going through is so incredibly normal. You are working through your fears and challenges day-by-day in such a good way. It'll take time for all of these changes to feel like a normal part of life. Take it easy, continue taking it one day at a time, and keep up the good work. You are doing such an amazing job!

Please keep sharing.