I had a dream about my ex last night. It started in such ang

I had a dream about my ex last night. It started in such anger and us not wanting to even walk past each other but then somehow ended with us talking and crying. I was saying how I wanted things to go back to the way they were and we could work. And she held me and told me she loved me but it just couldn't work. Crazy thing is that I could feel it was a dream. I forced myself awake. I didn't cry at first but now I can't stop. We ended things so ugly in real. The dream was somehow sweeter. I don't understand why I miss someone who said they didn't care about my child. My baby didn't choose to be here. She wasn't created by choice. Choice was taken from me. She said such ugly things about my sweet baby. So why do I miss her? I feel like I'm such a terrible mother. Like I'm not protecting my baby because I still love my ex. I think that's why I'm crying so much. I'm all my sweet girl has, I'm her only protector and I'm failing her. I wish I could wipe away everything but 5 years is a lot to wipe away and it's barely been 6 months since the break up. If I had some sort of power I swear 1 of them would be selective amnesia. I am so tired of the memories and the pain. I just want to forget it all.

1 Heart

Well forgetting would make you repeat the bad choices you made in picking a partner that didn't love your child and yourself as a package.

1 Heart

@CKBlossom I suppose that’s true but I don’t want to forget it all, just some of it. Some of it just hurts too badly to want to remember. And I don’t just mean the things she did. I made mistakes too.