I had a therapist for over 5 yrs & she abandoned me. I just feel so hurt that I pretty much lost my best friend. I've been emailing her and she hasn't responded. She said she cares about me and left me in the cold. It hurts. I've been through so much and thought she actually cared and she obviously didn't at all. She was just doing her job.
Awww. *hugs*
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Well I graduated college and moved away. But, she remained in contact with me for a yr and a half after graduation. She genuinely cared or so I thought. We sure to email back and forth and she let me vent to her and sometimes she would call me and we would keep in touch. But, a few months ago I freaked out and was having a panic attack and called her and emailed her and she woils the respond. Then she told me to stop harassing her. I was devestated because this is the same person who said that I could email her to vent & she was always willing to listen. She said she would always be there for me & she wasn't going anywhere. And now she's gone. She's ignoring me completely. I literally feel like I lost my best friend. The boundaries were blurred from the beginning she was my therapist, but a friend too. It's hard to explain. But, I can't grieve when I know she's out their alive & happy, while I'm laying in bed severely depressed.
I could feel it coming on because it took her longer to respond to my emails than usual. She seemed short & snippy when she used to be long, caring, & supportive. When I asked her to call me, so we could talk about the therapeutic relationship she kept pushing me off saying she was too busy. I called the school & asked for an apt even though I had no attention of going & she had an opening at 11am that day. She lied. She could have called me during that time when I needed to clear things up with her & she avoided it. I have her space (2mths) emailed her again & she still hasn't responded at all since. I feel heartbroken because I trusted her & now I feel even more alone.
@spriterook7 I don’t know I’m currently working with a new therapist, who said this was therapist abuse & abandonment. She said it was completely unethical of her. But, even so I feel like I lost one of the most meaningful relationships in my life. I cry myself to sleep every night because it hurts so much.
People like to say that they'll be there for you throughout your life, always there if you need someone, and I genuinely think that most people do really mean it when they say it at the time. However people, the situations they're in, and go through, they change...
I am sorry that you were abandoned by someone you saw as a friend, and while I know that the pain tends to linger within yourself, it won't always feel so severe, it will lessen over time.
I've been through many similar incidents, and they still hurt. But I see that pain as a reminder to keep up some boundaries around myself now, to not let myself fall too completely for anyone in my life, to always keep that little safety net up, to recognize the possibility that they may not always want to be a part of my life.
It can be difficult, and at times you may question if what you're doing is right. But if things do go wrong, if they do abandon you, it won't hurt you nearly as badly if a little part of you always expected them to... That's how I get by nowadays anyway. Maybe something to think about for the long-term, for right now though, you have all of us if you feel too lonely or upset and need to talk to someone.
@FoxEye Thank you! I definitely think I will try to not let people so close anymore because it hurts too much.
Yea I never looked at it that way. I guess I'm just not ready to accept the fact that I will no longer have her in my life. Someone I confided in on a daily basis betrayed me completely. I will always hold the good times in my heart, but it hurts to know that this isn't effecting her as much as it is me. She can live happily, while I suffer emotionally day after day because of the great loss I experienced.
Thank you so much! That really felt good to hear. Relationships are important to me in general. I crave the deepest connections, so even if I have a broken heart I still search for the truth in others.
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@InMyDreams My therapist asks a lot of questions & challenges my thought processes. But, I don't know I never feel like I'm getting better. She is there for me, but I think it bothers me that she can't be there for me when I actually need her. Once a week is not enough. She suggested twice a week because I was texting her nonstop when I was upset. But, I said I couldn't afford twice a week. She told me that she needs the wkd to recharge, which I understand, but at the same time it makes me feel like she doesn't care about me. She was like I have 28 other clients if they texted me like you do I'd burn out so fast. That made me feel like crap because I honestly have no one to talk to & I'm seeing a therapist, but she's only there for me for 50 min a week.
I was often the one to point out that the time was up when I had therapy. I tried to make a conscious effort to keep track of the time during the sessions, because when I didn't and the therapist ended the sessions instead, they would often end while I was in the middle of trying to cope with something, figure it out. So I'd leave feeling angry and more depressed than when I went in, with all these feelings that had been brought up swimming around inside my head still, only now with nowhere to release them... I don't think they were a very good therapist for me looking back on it.
@FoxEye I thought I was the only one! I try to keep an eye on the time too until my therapist said, “are you leaving me?” When I checked my phone lol. And I said “no I just never feel like I have enough time & I feel rushed & can’t seem to think of everything I need to say in this time frame.” So she told me to write it down, email or text her. That helps. I had an old therapist who stopped a session when I was in complete tears & still trying to process the intensity of my emotions. She ignored what I was experiencing completely & asked if I was good to meet next wk for a session. I was so upset/angry I ran out crying & she just looked at me like what’s wrong with you? Let’s just say I never went back to her. She was terrible. But, I like my therapist now because I had a similar situation happen recently with her and she reacted completely different. She calmed me down in like 2 mins & made me feel 10x better when the session was over. She was so much more supportive and understanding!
A therapist is not a friend. A therapist is a Dr and she allowed the lines to get blurred. Go out and find a friend to talk to. Our find another therapist where you live.
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@PTSD I just feel that most therapists are fake because they’re not there when you need them. they pretend to care, but really are just doing their jobs. If they they truly cared they’d be in our lives.
No a therapist should care if you get better. What she did and what you are experiencing odds transference. Look up the word in psychology. A therapist should see you in their office and that's it. It sucks what your therapist did to you. U might try a psychologist to talk .
@PTSD It was complete transference according to my new therapist. That psychologist didn’t set boundaries to begin with. She was unethical in a lot of ways. I get therapists aren’t suooosed to be your friend then why are we told to talk to them when we are suicidal & depressed when they are not free & never there when you need them!
If u ever feel suicidal please check yourself in to psych ward. Depression can only be dealt with by a psychiatrist. Therapists are only ppl u see once a week or twice a month to talk to about how you are found they are suppose to help you identify your feelings. Not to tell you what to do.
@PTSD and they run up a huge medical bill and don’t help you at all.
That's all well in good if your health insurance covers it. But half the time they keep you for 72hrs then release you and tell you to talk to a Dr and take some meds. Both of which I'm doing now.
Oh that is terrible. Then you need to find someone you feel comfortable talking with until you can see your psychiatrist for a med or dose change. Take lots walks the sunshine air and walking helps depression.
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