I had it under control, now its creeping

*Please take the time to read this*****
Hi, I just joined this support group, I'm not really sure what to do. I developed an eating disorder around the age of 12-13. I've been in many hospitals and treatment centers. I am 19 now and have been fine and without most thoughts and no actions ( restricting, binging, purging) for over a year. Now, I am so stressed because of my home life, because of school, my family and feel very down.
It is all creeping back into my life. It started as me just not being hungry for days. I decided to weigh myself one night, for the first time seeing my own weight in over two years. Then, noticing I lost some weight and had a flatter stomach, felt good about that. I remain not very hungry. I eat a bit when I am but get full much faster. I am afraid this may take over again. I tell myself that I won't let it go that far, knowing the dangers of it, but also see that that is what i said last time. When I broke free from this before, I was so sure that even during the most stressful of times I would never harm my body this way again. And now, I'm not so sure. Please comment. I'm scared to tell other people the intensity of these feelings. I'm losing myself. And this is just the beginning, I know.

Elizalds,

The great news is that you're seeing the signs NOW... ♥ The best thing you can do for yourself is to address this head-on and get yourself back in a healthy mindset quickly. Can you call someone from your treatment team? Sometimes a "booster" is needed to refocus. You know how bad an eating disorder can become, and I believe that reaching out here is a beautiful sign that you WANT recovery. Sharing these feelings with others will NOT brand you a failure, if that's what you're worried about... ♥ Doing so will be a strong and determined showing of your dedication to remain in recovery. Stresses are always high this time of year... Even people without deeper hurts often struggle around the holidays. Asking for help is the brave thing to do. ♥

Lots of love,

Jen

I agree with Jen...you can see what is happening NOW, so this is the time to seek help again to prevent further relapse.
You don't have to allow this to happen...please seek professional help as a gift to yourself and your future!
Thinking of you, Jan ♥

Yeah, thanks for reading and your comments. It's just that the Eating disorder side is so strong. I thought it went away. But now, I feel very similiar to how I did then. It's so strange, I want to be healthy and happy, but I want to be skinny. I feel stuck.

Its such a battle for all us each day! I can tell your a strong person to notice the signs and ask for help! You are ahead of the disorder because of that! Get some help and fight it before you get in to deep again! Keep us posted!

hi,
you poor thing! not nice to have felt like you have put an ED in the past, just for you to have it creep back on you at a time when your stressed.

it would be best for you to address this issue right away, before it takes a stronger hold of you and consumes your life, like it has before.

well done for being able to recognize the signs and ask for some help, takes a lot of courage! it may be an idea to go see your GP, and be referred to a psychologist to get some little tricks and tactics to help you deal with the stress, as it seems an ED is a coping mechanism for your body when stresses are high. a good thing is to write down what is going on inside your mind, so you can see it on paper. that way you are able to cut out the mental chit chat that goes on, and make sense of your thoughts, and find a solution a lot easier.
this technique has done wonders for my stress levels :)

good luck xx

Thanks so much ladies :)
Easier said than done, but I'm feeling positive right now.