I had three days clean off of heroin. None off of white. Then relapsed. Now I'm clean one day off of heroin again and still none off of white. I just can't stop wanting to use. It makes it harder for me living with another active user and even though I told them to please respect my wishes and don't bring it around me, talk about it to me, let me see u high and hear you enjoying your high.! But this person does not listen she still does all of those things then tells me my friends are the problem. I have two friends that hardly ever come over.! And as of recently I told them if they come over to not talk or use or whatever about drugs in front of me. And they don't at all. But she does and then she starts to apologize like if she's smiling for the camara. She's a real downfall for me. I guess I was just venting when I said all this.
It's very hard to stay clean if your environment is toxic. My bf was a heroin addict and coke and xanax was his 2nd and 3rd drug of choice to go on top of heroin. It was a tough battle, but he thankfully was willing to enter rehab and go through all the steps. I suggest baby steps to get clean, if your not ready for full on inpatient rehab, why not start looking into getting on subs and moving out. Change of environment, friends, everything can be more positive of you to wanna really get clean & be more successful. Do NOT think you cant do this. YOU CAN, you are stronger then these drugs, sure they've held you down for so long but you've already walked through the toughest part and you deserve to live a sober life enjoy life again, not have to wake up every morning dope sick and have to hustle to get your fix to get through the day, thats not a way to live and you dont forever have to be that way. *hugs* you can do this
@iMissyou89 thank you imissyou. I try, I really do. But with no friends or family or support system gives me lil choices to go for help. I really do hate who’ve I become and in these six years, it’s just getting worse and worse for me. I’ve already lost so much and I know this but here I still keep at it causing myself on the verge to lose more. I don’t know what is the matter with me. The baby in my profile picture, is my sunshine. But, because of my addiction her father keeps me away from her. I’m not saying he’s wrong for that . But she was my only motivation when I was with her everyday I never even thought about using when I was with her. This pain is the worst. I haven’t seen her since May 13 of this year. My worst pain ever. All created by me. I severely hate myself for what I’ve done. And, I severely hate myself now, for what I’m still doing. It’s a sad and cold life where I’m at .
But thank you for your kind words. They are truly appreciated. Thank you.