I went to my therapist last night and she got me thinking about a lot of stuff. I know it's stuff I NEED to think about it, but I'm becoming really overwhelmed and anxious about it. And, ironically, when I become anxious I just want to restrict my calories even more.
I'm getting my master's degree in family therapy right now and I'm also interning at an agency that works with families in crisis. My therapist told me last night that she thinks that if I lose any more weight it is probable that my supervisor will tell me I need to gain or stop working for them. This is because the fact that I look sick and unhealthy could damage my therapeutic relationship with the families I work with. This makes me feel like crap. What will I do if my supervisor fires me?? I'm not THAT thin. I know I'm thin, but I don't get why my supervisor would be concerned- I've seen thinner people. I don't look sick, in my opinion. Or maybe that's ED talking I guess. Ugh! I HATE THIS! I feel like ED is ruining my life. If I lose this internship, I will be absolutely crushed. I didn't sleep at all last night worrying about it. Sorry to vent, this was just a realllly hard thing to hear.
Sorry to say, but I can see how that might work against you considering the field of work you are in....I think when you say you have seen thinner people and you are not that thin, its ED talking...you are definetly thin.
You need to take a look at all aspects of your life and see if this career is important to you. I think recovery should be the most important aspect but in your situation you have the ability to tie them together...
Thinking about you and sending positive vibes....
This career is SO important to me. I really want to work with victims of domestic and sexual abuse and their families. But I've thought about it a lot over the past day, and I wouldn't want to do anything that might hinder their therapy. If my problems spill over into therapy, then I obviously need to reassess what I'm doing right now. Ugh, this is so hard. I don't know what to do.
I think you do know what to do....it's just hard to admit, and thats okay <3
Yeah, you're right. I think I need to focus on recovery and then come back when I am healthy. I think the people at my internship would probably understand. But, it's really really scary to think about. Thanks for listening! I don't really have anyone else (other than my therapist) to talk about any of this stuff with.
No prob <3 thats what we are all here for....we're all more or less in the same boat. I think what you just said right there, that was a very positive step....now all you need to do is follow through...you can do it, baby steps <3
I feel like a total failure right now. I am just beginning to realize that I truly do have an ED and it's ruining my health, my internship, my education, my relationships, etc. I feel like I just woke up and realized how bad things have gotten. Why am I only seeing this now, when it feels like it's too late?
It's NOT too late Chelsea....not at all. I think everyone has THAT moment where they're like 'wow, my behavior and habits are NOT normal, maybe I have a problem'. I know I had a moment like that and I bet almost everyone here has also. The point is that you REALIZE you have an issue...this is the first step. Now you need to take action and speak to a professional and get on the road to recovery so that you can pursue your career and make your dreams come true <3