I have 2 daughters with a narc. 9yrs and 6yrs old. They adore him... He is fun!
But how to protect them?
How to help them to not become his next victims?
Or not to become him?
This is the Question i have also. Lets find out together.
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@hopewhispers
agreed
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/is-living-with-a-narcissi_b_4863057.html
an article i found .. copy and paste it in your browser.
thank you, it does explain the situation. I am taking all the necessary measures i can think of and read on. But I always feel like i am going to miss something, that there is something that I should know and it is a big something that will help my daughters when they are with him and his 2 older children who happen to be just like him too.
That very question was what caused me to get a therapist for my son and one for myself. You cannot always protect them from unhealthy but you can teach them to respond to it in a healthy way.
me and my daughters are attending therapy monthly. but as you know, it is so difficult to be always the strong person when alone.
I feel strong, but still that nagging feeling, you know.
@silvio yes, I know. All we can do is encourage the good parts of their relationship and help them to respond to the bad parts. If they have questions about their dad and you think the answer may paint him in a bad light, tell them it’s a great question. I’m going to write it down and we’ll ask the therapist why he does that.
i never thought of that one. I like it, i will use it.
Thank you
@silvio I clicked the support me button on your profile. If you support me back we can private message
@tabbylady
That is EXACTLY what he is doing! My 9 yr old is his golden child and it kills me to see and know how much she is going to suffer. She is so loving and available to this abuse. I just don’t want her to grow up to he a victim herself.
My son picked up on his dad ways HIM SELF and described his dad's behaviors as tricks. Sad, right!?
That is the only thing I am not prepared. The hurt and realization my children will eventually encounter. My focus is on them but it's hard to be strong when there are so many obstacles that needs to be tackled.
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I'm just starting. Like so many here..listening to my daughters talk about the dad turns my stomach. I want them to hate him, mainly to make him go away. So that he will never have contact with us anymore. But instead I tell them he is a fun daddy. But I really don't know what else to tell them. He really is fun. But that's because he never grew up. I have no idea how to prepare them for the disappointment he will be to them. His world are his older two kids. My girls were not anything but a few minutes a day pass time
@soulandheart I am going through the same thing. My 10 year old though already can see that something is not quite right. The thing I fear most about going through with this divorce is that he will have unsupervised access to the kids. For this past month I have been trying to teach them that peoples actions speak louder than their words. That even grown ups lie. That some people when faced with unhappiness try to hurt others with words but they are wrong. Also that it is totally acceptable to tell an adult they are hurting your feelings. I remind them every day that I love them and that if they hear something that doesn’t make sense to ask me. I hope this all works.
@debbi229 thanks. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. This was a foreign land for me. As bad as it is, it’s really common and it is an opportunity to teach your kid coping skills that they will take with them through life. I was told by one therapist that we were inoculating him against a virus. It was better to teach him how to deal than to shelter him and have him have to figure it out on his own when he is older. This kind of abuse is so common that it would be difficult to find a therapist who didn’t know how to help you.
I'm one of the lucky ones because my son told his therapist. I came here to offer my support to those who haven't been so lucky and have kids in terrible situations and need support and understanding to stay strong.
@debbi229 thank you. As a parent it’s easy to say you’ve seen your child’s other parent at their worst and to underestimate how bad a sick person can actually get.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of keeping your nose clean and not getting pulled into trouble. Everything you do can and will be used against you and if an abuser discredits you, you will have no power to help your kid(s) if things escalate. This may no be true for your situation but maybe someone else reading this will benefit from it.
Thank you everyone. I am trying my best to always show my girls all the love I have for them. And I explain to them that I am doing my best. I just was not sure how to teach them to trust themselves. I feel they already are lost in how to trust themselves because of what we have been thru with my x narc.