I have a couple questions for anyone that was/is a opioid addict, if you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions please let me know!
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Welcome to SG! Over the years I have been addicted to many things. What are your questions?
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Yes me too. Even right now I'm addicted . I've been addicted for eight years after being sober for ten years and before I was sober for those ten years I was addicted for six years. So I can help too if you wish to know anything.
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I can some what relate, I'm in my own chaotic slumber of relapse. Only mine is/was meth. I've been on a roller coaster of highs and lows with this addiction. I've been battling for about 5 years now. I get into a phase where I binge and go full force, then I continue to chase the high to lose track of time. But I begin to decelerate with my life, I withdraw from family, I lose my job, I shut down and act out of impulse. Habitually, I don't go out being stupid I actually spend my own money or I just become close friends with suppliers. But I continue until I end up just point blank exhausted. Now I've lost things I've worked so hard for over time, I've lost my self dignity, I've let myself as well as others down many of times, but I've been a low key and done it privately in my own home and kept a super small circle I dealt with. I've stopped so many times before. Only after I've destroyed my inner self. But I got clean last year and actually was working got my apartment and was feeling very proud and motivated. Well back I'm April I had an urge and I followed through with it. I have been actively using since. I have said everytime this is the last time. This is it. I'm done. But I've failed to honor that. And I kept it small portions and thought It be OK. Well it wasn't much of a problem at first. I'd go for a couple days then take a day or so in between but it progressed. I am now unemployed, I isolate myself and I am daily trying to make a goal to not use. I'm not being as productive as I could be. I've pointed out the negative affects so I could make myself not want it as much. I am beginning to think a little more. And reflect on the consequences and put them into a positive perspective but I'm still fighting the urges. I got to where I think about it before I call a dealer. I still usually give in. But I'm at a better understanding and can ration and understand that I have a problem. I have finally admitted to this. Now I don't need serious intensive rehab but I need to step out of my comfort zone and get some sort of support and encouragement. Maybe therapy but I don't have insurance so I'm seeking other alternatives first. I've gone through my triggers and been trying to eliminate and avoid them as much as I can. I see my addiction more as a negative thing then I did. I'm still trying to plan and develop strategies that work best for me. So far my handy dandy journal has been my best attempt. I was feeling super low, and I've distanced my life and became isolated. I've researched and began with plans and goals so with any hope this will begin to inspire and encourage my personal development. I also have always struggled with social skills. Im not good in huge crowds or groups, I don't open up easily, I get shaky, it makes me sick alot of times, I'm not the best on communication, I can read and write but that's probably most I got at this point. Yes I'm wanting to improve. Not a priority goal this second. I avoid talking on the phone. Rather text or email. That's why I'm taking the first step and finding online social support first. I'm gonna use this to motivate and encourage me to take that next step. Now alot of this stems from my environment growing up. Reason I can honestly say is because its several things I've had to adapt to as a child and haven't had any major stability so I've never had the best of learning stabilty. I've taught myself most of the survival skills I have knowledge of through the years. I've bounced around majority of my life. I never really put myself into learning anything just enough to get me through. And I've never been able to develop commitment to anything. I often start projects or plans or anything and I get into making some progress but as soon as I make any mistakes I shut down and lose focus and interest and begin to withdraw so I'm a huge mess. However I've been able to look through this and come up with a positive perspective. I'm Thankful for this experience, it's broken me down from all the layers of faking who I have been kinda forced to be and allowing me to start completely over and design and create who I am and shape me into who I want to be. So I'm actively using still at this point but I'm in the right direction and hoping I can take it and develop and grow into a sober beautiful soul
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@SVannah18 take care of yourself please
I'm two and a half years clean from heroin. Id love to answer any questions.
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I am three years clean from Heroin. Ask any questions that you would like to ask.
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@Living_2_be_free Hi .! I’m Qu1f1re. How did you get off the stuff. If you don’t mind me asking. I’m trying to quit myself .
I actually go to detox tomorrow at 7 am. I'm from So. Cali and it's just a one hour drive. Do you have kids.? I have two. A soon to be four year old and a recently two year old . And I think I'm really doing it for them then me. Someone on here said in theyre post to "find what ever it is that you can't live without and let that be what motivates you" into getting sober meaning. I hear subs are bad if you take them too long. And methadone too! I've done methadone but I also used the whole time. But thank you for your help. And congrats on your sobriety time.
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@Qu1f1re congrats on taking that step! I know it can be scary and I you probably won’t see this because you are in detox. Your kids is a perfect thing that will keep you motivated. You have to do it for you also. You have to take care of you before you can take care of others. I didn’t like methadone for that reason, that there is no blocker. I liked the subs because I know you cannot get high no matter what if you did try. That’s why i needed them, I knew I couldn’t relapse if I wanted too. I know people say “oh your subbing one addiction for another when you take subs”. No, if you don’t stay on them long term I absolutely think they are a life saver. You don’t even think about opiates when you take them. Its insane! I needed them just until I learned how to live without Opiates. I told my dr that I didn’t want to be on them long and we weaned me off. Being addicted is a lifestyle its a full time job. I do have a daughter. I also lost my niece 4 years ago, she was 15. Guess what it was from? Taking her first shot of heroin in her arm. It was the first time she tried it and she OD and died. That was one of my motivators also. The guilt I felt. I am so happy and proud of you for going to detox. If you ever need someone to talk to when you are done on the days you are not feeling so strong private message me and Ill give you my number if you would like. You can do this! If I can YOU can! Stay strong. Remember “Keep your eyes on tomorrow.” That is what got me through. Let me know you are OK and talk to you soon!
You can do it and I totally understand doing it for the last time I tell myself that every time. My problem is heroin I am a iv user but I have felt with meth just 2 weeks ago I got some really good ice from my dealer so I did some small bumps in the arm assent really impressed so me and my partner went to the casino i brought my ice and point after getting there I went back to the car to get high I dumped all of it in my spoon drawer it up and shot it fear filled my body instantly a rush way stronger than I wanted so strong i was tripping like on acid for a minute I was sure I was going to die. Anyway i still think about that rush and honestly it will take everything to stay away. After that night I have doubled up on my H to get a bigger rush but I'm also trying to quit so I'm withdrawing right now I hope I make it through this this time.
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@joshlane thats what our addictions do. We always search for that “first time” rush. The first time we try something new, that warm fuzzy feeling. Truth is we never find it. We just do more and more and more. That builds tolerance and then your even deeper down the rabbit hole. Going through withdrawals sucks, but just know it will end in a few days. You have to want to really want it. There will be a day where it was the “last time”. Mine was 3 years ago. I was finally done. I needed MATS, but I am free from that life. I had to change my number, move, and delete all my contacts. I had to get away from everyone that was associated with that life. I burned all my dealers so I knew I could never go back. I knew if I stepped one foot in that area I would probably be shot. That helped. Knowing I couldn’t go back due to what I did. I did it on purpose. You can do it too. Its OK to ask for help if you need it. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own, but I couldn’t go to rehab so I started suboxone. It saved my life. Its an amazing drug to someone who is addicted to opiates. You can do it. I hope you stay strong. I know its hard.
Thanks for your support it's day three had to sit through a 8 hour safety class for my job talk about misery I was hell fire sick and don't know how I got through it I literally felt like I was going to jump out of my skin or explode sitting there holding that restless feeling in thinking everyone will notice something is wrong but I did when it was over I left as fast as I could. I
@joshlane This guy and his site got me clean. He is amazing. If you have time here read this info its how to quit using over the counter meds and he talks about imodium AD How to Quit Heroin Cold Turkey with OTC Meds
Made it to day 5 I feel much better still having diarea and a few other symptoms but was able to get a full nights sleep. I haven't tried the Imodium but kratom was a lot of help. Yesterday I reached into my pants pocket and found one of those orange syringe caps instantly i had butterflies in my stomach and wished I could use just one more time i couldn't get to the trash fast enough to throw that thing away. I know my battle has just begun but i still feel a great accomplishment you have also been a lot of help a complete stranger yet I have sheared something that those closest to me may never know.
@joshlane that’s a mighty big compliment that you have to someone. I think it was to livin to be free. Anywho. How are you doing foday? Let us know.
Had anyone tried the addiction recovery guide.com? Ilovethem. They have a message board for every drug. And you don't even have to be a member to comment. And there's no money wanted from us. If you go there, then I'm on the heroin board. I'm babylove. I hope all is well.!!!
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@Qu1f1re I assent clean 3 weeks before relapsing again all that work for nothing I am trapped in this hell. Bought my usual half gram and hopefully i can save one for tommorw morning at least im snorting but i really want to shoot but I have no pointsfor now. I’m out of money and stressing how can I work last time l bearly made it.what is wrong with me I escaped this nightmare just to put myself right back through this. I can’t take off work I have some kratom, vitamins, ibuprofen, meclazine,cimetidine,benadryl and Imodium. I read that it will help withdrawl but Imodium in large doses can cause heart problems which concerns me a bit but I have no other options right Noelle I said I can’t lose my job I’m at the point o panicking the thought even crossed my mind of just doing the whole half and ending this nightmare but my family needs me and as I said I can’t lose my job I am trapped in a living hell. I am so stupid after going through and beating this demon i turn around ad put the poison in my body thinking just one more time a reward for getting clean what is wrong with me I can’t stop I can’t stay clean I can’t live without it I can’t keep doing it I know it’s going to kill me. Why is something so simple so hard I just want to give up I can’t afford to keep up this addiction unless I start selling it or stealing or prostitution I’m a bisexual guy so I would have plenty of business but honestly that’s not a option I would rather be dead which would be better than living this way all the lies bumming money fearing I my OD going to bed wondering if I’ll get my fix tomorrow worried I want and have to work sick. I am sorry for such a long post it all just came out my life is in ruins everyone on here says go to treatment or get on meds but I can’t I just got this great job and if my partner knew I was doing H I would leave me I would lose everything I have to detox myself keep going to work know matter how bad it gets and figure out how to not ever relaps that’s the only choice I have or just take enough to end this miserable hell of a life I find myself struggling day after day waking up in the morning is the most depressing experience I have ever experienced.
Day one woke up threw up got dressed threw up went to work
@joshlane how are you doing?