I have a friend, and shes living a life ive imagined for a l

I have a friend, and shes living a life ive imagined for a long time, she always have everything i could never have, such as lots of friends, loyal bf, supporting family and she seemed to have a very wealthy life. I hate myself for beinf jealous at her, she seems loved by many meanwhile im hardly loved by anyone. I hate it. She makes me want to die

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Why not, rather than being envious or jealous of what she has, instead observe how she conducts herself, what makes her tick? I used to do this with people I knew were able to earn friendship, so I'd learn from their example. Not because I wanted to be popular. My reasoning was, I never had very good role models. So as a young adult, I sought them out to learn from as a mentoring process.

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@Scat yeah thats what im trying to do too, thanks for the respond tho ;3;