I have a question for whoever may be able to help. My girlf

I have a question for whoever may be able to help. My girlfriend and I broke up almost a year ago and I haven't been with anyone since her. My ex had genital herpes and her and I had sex a lot but never during her breakouts. I have never had breakouts or sores we were pretty safe, so I figured I was okay. I have recently started seeing someone else and really like her. We had unprotected sex last Wednesday and my ex has found out, got really pissed and told me I need to tell her I have herpes. Do you think I could have herpes without showing any signs and if so what should I tell this girl I like now?

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Your ex sounds like a typical ex that doesn't want you to be happy. I'm not trying to be mean, I just see it happen often. Your best bet to be sure for your own sake is to go get tested. This virus can stay dormant (hidden with no signs and symptoms) for years. When you do get tested, make sure you specially ask to be tested for this because it's not included in the standard std testing.

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Im really worried now and if I do have it I will hate myself for giving it to her. Can I still pass it on with no signs?

@ConfusedAMT Don’t get yourself worked up and worried about it. I know of people who were exactly like you and your ex, had sex, just not when there was an outbreak, and they never got it. Typically no you can’t. Only when there’s an outbreak or you’re “shedding.” Shedding means the virus is active but there are no signs or symptoms. But from my knowledge, that normally happens after an outbreak or right before. But this doesn’t always happen. Get tested, see what those results are and kinda go from there. Your ex is probably just putting things in your head to make you feel quilty. But it doesn’t hurt to get tested. You’re actually supposed to get tested every 6 months I do believe.

Yes you could be positive and not have any signs or symptoms. You should get tested to make sure you are not positive. If you are, then yes you should tell her but if you are negative then there is nothing to tell. Hold off on sex until you have an answer.

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My ex and I were together for 5 years. That's what worries me the most.

@ConfusedAMT You’ll never know till you get tested! They say once you test positive for an std that you should get tested for hiv 6 months later. It’s been 7 for me and I’ve been putting it off because I’m soooo scared of testing positive, even though I don’t think I will. But I finally scheduled my doctors appointment and go tomorrow. I’m sure after this I’ll feel much better knowing 100% sure. So definitely get tested! It’ll take a huge weight off your shoulder!

Thank you everyone! I'm just really scared to know now. I should've just stayed to myself.

@ConfusedAMT I’m sure you’ll be fine! And if you would’ve stayed to yourself, it would’ve haunted you. Stay positive! Usually you’ll get symptoms 2/3ish days after being infected. Someone would’ve had symptoms by now I would think.

I'm not guaranteeing that though, that's why getting tested would be the best thing to do.

I'm going too. Just worried. If I am and she's not do you think she'd want to stay? That scares me too.

@ConfusedAMT Good, good, good! That’s understandable. It’s scary getting tested for anything not knowing what the results will be. Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t had to have the talk with anyone so I can’t even share from my expierence. If you do test positive, do research. Lots and lots of research! That way you know as much about it as you need to know to educate someone. You know how today’s society stigmatizes this, so it’s super important to know as much as you can about it. You probably know quite a bit about it since your ex has it. I’ve told a handful of people and after explaining it, they see me no different and realize how dumb the stigma is because it’s literally not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. That was a lot of the same thing haha I have a problem with over explaining things.

@confusedATM I just want to say thank you! Alot of us are having such a rough time thinking out dating/sex life Is completely over! But you dated a woman for five years that was positive! It helps a lot to hear that there are people out there that will accept this. I know you are worried, but seriously thank you so much for this post! :)

@aaw123 I thought her and I were going to be together so I didn’t really care, but now that we are no longer it scares me to think I have it after she told me when she was mad. If I do have it i will feel that my dating life is over.

@confusedATM your dating life is NOT over! Don't get ahead of yourself, just go get tested first before you start to panic. :) I just got tested and I have both. I will have to definitely have to make some adjustments. But it's all about knowledge and learning how to protect yourself/others.

@aaw123 thank you!

I fooled around with a guy, didn't even have sex with him and he freaked out on me. I know now that he was not someone that I needed to be with. God removed him from my life, but I am telling you that if this girl really likes you she will accept you just like you accepted your ex.