I have battled with Trichotillomania my entire life but, I h

I have battled with Trichotillomania my entire life but, I had no idea what it was until last year when things got worse after I was assaulted by my ex. I just couldn't get the feeling of his unwanted touch off me and the only thing that helped was pulling. I was able to get it under control until a couple months later when I found out that my first husband passed away. after a couple more months I was able to control it again. It is now getting hard again because it is coming up on the one year anniversary of his death. I have felt responsible for his death since the day I found out even though we had been separated for 4 years. The oh reason I left was for the safety of my daughter because it was an unsafe environment. I never stopped loving him even though everyone around me believed that I did. I don't want to disappoint my fiancée anymore by pulling but, I just can't stop myself and everything that worked last year isn't working this time. I need some suggestions to help me through this because I can't do it on my own anymore but, I can't tell those around me because they will all think that I am doing it for attention. I am so scared that I am going to lose control and pull too much causing a bald spot It took me almost six years to get my hair back to the length it is after a very bad hair cut from my sister causing it to be just inches long. I don't want to lose all this progress again. I've been so careful for this long but, I feel as though I am losing the control that I once had. Any help would be appreciated. I need more than just two people to rely on for a support system.

hugs to you! I am glad you are here with us, this is a great place to give and get support, as well as stay accountable to our goals. Have you been able to process the trauma of the assault by your ex in therapy? How have you been able to mourn the loss of your first husband? we are here for you.

@Aura82 I can’t even talk to my fiancée face to face about it let alone talking to a therapist. I have processed the trauma of the assault by my ex. I can’t say as though I have completely mourned the loss of my first husband because now that the one year of his death is coming up things are getting hard again. I really wasn’t able to mourn the loss because nobody around me other than his daughter understand everything that happened between him and I.