I have been separated from my wife for a while now, but rece

I'm new here. 49 y.o. man. I have been separated from my wife for a while now, but recently we started dating again. We have 2 children, 7 and 9 y.o. She dated someone for almost a year while separated and he broke it off about 6 weeks ago. Right now I realise that she is still in love with him and that she came back to me out of convenience/support since he broke it off. I know this for sure. Basically, I know that I need to move on with my life and find other friends, maybe even find another relationship, but I keep getting sucked back in to her bullshit. She'll call me over to have dinner with her and our kids, etc. I cannot forget her and move on unless I quit seeing her completely. I need help in this because I miss her and I'm weak. It seems like I just don't know how to forget her and move on. Thanks for reading.

im sorry to hear you are being pulled around. its hard to just walk away from the feeling of being a family again but like you even said she only needs you back because someone else didn't work out. getting yourself sucked back into it, any progress you have made is getting thrown right back out the window the second you put yourself back in that place. is it worth maybe getting hurt all over again? can she be happy with you again or is she taking advantage of the fact that she knows you still want her and will keep you around until someone else comes around or back into her life. i wish all the best but as i have learned very rarely you get the happy ending....

Thank you Kim. You are so right... all the gains I make when I am away from her are tossed out the window the minute I'm back with her. All the pain and the disfunction just returns. To answer your question, I don't think she can be happy with me again. She doesn't even seem to like me, to be honest (and I'm a likeable guy, lol!) because she is stuck on him. I know you're right and I appreciate your advice. Thanks Kim :)

@Vin49 You deserve better. Don’t let her make you a 2nd stringer.

Vin, I know exactly how you feel, I have been married 25 years and up until two months ago my hubs and I were mentoring couples on how to have a healthy marriage. Somehow in the past month and a half he has fallen in "love" with someone else that he loves more than me and moved out abandoning me, our older teens and everything. When he comes over it is as if he never left at all as it feel so good to pretend for a while that everything is normal again.

@bphill, you nailed it. I almost don't want to know the truth. But really what kind of life is that? It reminds me of the movie the Matrix, and I don't want to live in a false reality. I'm sorry about your loss too. I know how tough this is. Thank you for writing :)

I was married 2ex's this time a relatively short time but I still don't get it. How do people just fall out of love? I've been in love 3 ex's including my STBX and it took years to stop loving the other two, and I had to try to do so it didn't just happen.

@Sgerard68, people fall out of love when they fall in love with someone else. Likewise, its difficult to fall in love with another when you're still in love with your ex.

@Vin49 If you can fall out of love was it really true love? I am going to have to put in a lot of work to stop loving my STBX. It won’t just happen it would have never just happened. Despite the hell she has put me through I still love her.

how do you stop that falling out of love ??

I think overtime it happens in everyone's relationship. People seem its easier to just jump into a new relationship then start over and work on their own. Instant gratification vs true work.

is it worth it really I'm lost a little I'm in pain and confused

Both people have to be in the mind set that you both except your relationship needs to be rebuilt, if someone turns to someone outside the relationship and then wants to come back and keeps you strung along you need to be strong enough to cut the cord... Through the months of crying and breakdowns and pain one day I have faith it'll hurt a little less and less and soon you can put it in the back of your mind. Not to be forgot but somthing to reflect on and grow from. Life is so long, plenty of time to take your time to move on

@vin how did you start that dating thing ?? I would like to know ?? I'm in a similar spot but I feel I might have a chance but its sort of weird for me to approach my wife in this situation you know

**** I just wrote a long reply to your great question and it crashed when I posted.

But I'm glad you asked that question 'cause it made me think. Here's how and why it happened.

I just acted as though I was moving on with my life and dating, having fun, etc...

It drove her crazy. Just grocery shopping abd we're like two high school kids. It was great. One thing led to another and we were dating again. The key is to keep it casual.

@vin so tell me how and whos idea im in same boat that might work but how do I take first step???

Just act like you are happy and content and happy to move on with your life. The rest will sort itself out ;)