I have been working hard to use my co-dependency skills. I had agreed to rent a couple of rooms in my house to 2 guys. They knew that they had to move out of their old house (they lived next door to me) for over a month. Anyway their renting from me came up in a conversation and about 2 weeks ago I agreed for them to move in with me. Wed they got a notice that they had to be out. They said that they would help me clean the house to get it ready for them to move in. I took Fri off of work to start the cleaning process but they were not around so I started doing the work myself. I got up early Sat to continue. I finally saw them later in the day and they said that they were both recovering from hangovers. Yesterday they out mid afternoon and started cleaning out their garage but one of them said he didn't feel well and went back inside. It got to be late and I was tired and stiff and sore from moving things and going up and down the stairs. All weekend I had to fight the urge to tell them to get going and to start moving. They are adults and they knew the deadlines and it was their responsibility to move themselves. It is/was not my job to make sure they moved. They were still moving in this morning when I came to work and I had to fight the urge to stay home and help them. Again, I had to remind myself that I was not responsible for them and their moving in. Last night I heard that one of them was cleaning the basement room. Again I felt I was responsible when in fact he said that he would help clean the room and also I had cleaned the room pretty well, it was much better than the room he was living in. I have to keep reminding myself that I am responsible for them, they are just tenants who rent rooms from me. If they end up having to leave things behind because they didn't have time to move everything, it is all on them, not me. I am not responsible for their actions.
Sounds like your making great progress! Well done.
packfan, I've just read your old posts (from April to today). I'm glad you're making progress. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2008. and with DPD in 2012. I saw in one of your posts that you mentioned reading a book about DBT. I've read that this therapy is effective for treatment of BPD and I was wondering, did you have a chance to try out that therapy with a professional? I live in Croatia and DBT is not available here. Periodically I see a psychologist who practices CBT and although I've made significant progress in the past year, I still overreact emotionally and seek comfort in food (food's my latest coping mechanism) too often. Did the book about DBT help you? What I mean to ask (I'm not sure if I'm phrasing it right) is - based on your experience, what are the benefits of reading about DBT in comparison to being treated by a therapist who practices DBT? Is the book enough to motivate a person to make positive changes?
I'm glad that you're establishing boundaries and that you're feeling better. Good luck with everything.
@audrey_josette - I just found this post from you and will try to answer some of your questions. The last time I saw my psychiatrist I asked it he knew of any professional using DBT and he said no so now I am looking for someone. My psychiatrist is only good at prescribing meds, he is usually about an hour behind with his appointments and then I’m lucky if he spends 5 minutes with me (and bills the insurance company for an hour). I schedule my appointments after work and I think by the time I see him he just wants to quickly get his last patients done and go home. I have used my books on DBT and have felt they were helpful. When I first read about DBT I felt it fit me perfectly, it described how I felt. I have even considered changing psychiatrists, finding one who uses DBT or works with a therapist who uses DBT. So, yes the book has motivated me.