3 weeks ago my life was normal. Then I found this bump on my neck, and then my world fell apart.
I had blood tests, biopsy, scans, more blood work, heart scan, lung scan, pet scan, bone marrow biopsy, did I mention more blood work.
The results where Hodgkin’s Lymphoma stage 2B. Whatever the heck that means.
All I know is that I have CANCER and I don’t want it, don’t like it, and can’t give it away. Who would want it anyway, can’t find no takers. People tell me of all the cancers to have, you got the BEST one. Are you kidding me? I don’t want it. Is there such a thing as a best cancer to have. Don’t know what some people think. If they don’t know what to say, then silence is golden. And I’m really being nice here.
My Cancer doctor says 2 month of Chemo, followed by 10 - 15 treatments of radiation to follow. Uggg
I want to beat this thing. I want to get back to my life. Will I always live in fear after? Will I ever get cancer out of my mind. I been driving myself insane. I wake up in the morning, and the first thing that pops into my head when I open my eyes is you have CANCER. I need to buy some pants, but I don’t want to spend the money, I have cancer after all, who knows if I will even need them. I look at some of my things, and want to get ride of everything, so when I die my Family don’t have to deal with my stuff. I pulled out some of my nice things to use cause I may not get a chance to use them again. Am I the only one feeling that way? I cry at the drop of a hat, and I feel angry at this Cancer, then I feel sorry for myself, then I feel scared out of my mind, but I can’t run away from myself, I have to stay and fight for myself. And no matter what anyone tells me, it does not help, no one knows what I feel like. Cause they don’t have cancer. I will lose all my body hair. I will feel and look ugly, I will be sick, I will be sad, I will be in the mercy of other peoples hands, I will not be in control over my own body anymore.
I have Cancer.
I had stage 3 hodgkins 30 years ago in 1980, had chemo and radiation and have been just fine ever since, would never know I was ever sick. Just like you I had a lump in my neck. Doctors have a good handle on thiis disease, and the people telling you this is the best kind to get are right. You will be fine, just get a good oncologist and follow their advice advice, stay positive and determined, and remember there are a lot of people like me who had it decades ago but went on to live normal, healthy lives.
Ladybug 200, Please don't let yourself get overwhelmed! It all happens so fast, but things will work out. I had NHL in 1995. In three weeks I went from newly married super busy working mom to superbusy working mom cancer patient! Attitude is everything! When I was told that survival rates were 2 - 7 years I decided that was not long enough! I had a 10 year old to raise! I am happy to say that after 6 round of CHOP, I had been in remission for almost 16 years. I saw my children graduate from school, marry, and start their families. I now have 12 grandchildren with no.13 on the way! Prayer, family and friends, good nutrition, exercise, and ATTITUDE had a lot to do with it! I am starting on the journey with you again. I was diagnosed with Diffuse B-cell NHL yesterday and start chemo again next week. If this will give me another 15 years, I'll take it! The last 16 have been a blast! I don't put off things that are important to me and I definitely haven't stopped living. You are right, use the good stuff, but buy new clothes, put on your makeup each day, and have fun with wigs, hats, and scarves. People told me last time they couldn't even tell I had lost my hair, but it's a lot quicker to take a shower and get ready! Hope to hear how you are getting along. Keep your chin up! God loves you!
Grandma Linda,
When you say they told you that you had 2-7 years, was that for Hodgkin's lymphoma? I was just curious.
Back in 1995 your chances of surviving were lower than they are today when I was told they only gave me 6 months to live if I didnt take the cemo so I put my life for the 1st time ever into the best doctor I could find. 1 yr later my cancer came back so I was more devasted the 2nd time more than the 1st so they decided to do a stem cell transplant which was really hard they told me only 50% chance of survivng well it will be 16 yrs on May 8 2011 it was alot to go thru but so worth it. I would of missed out on alot. I use to worry so much about this cancer today it stays in back of mind until my check up comes and I hold my breath just alittle. When they tell my scan was good that is when I tell my family about cause they hold their breaths longer. Just hang in there and remember there are people here for you.
I wanted to take the time to Thank each and everyone of you for taking the time to write me back.
It means a lot to me to have someone to talk to, and just being able to vent. I am just so lost, and devastated about the whole thing. Never in my life have I ever thought I would get cancer. I been a good person, and I care for others so much. I would give a stranger my shirt of my back, if they needed it. I keep asking God what have I ever done, to deserve such a faith. I just don’t understand.
Yesterday I had my second chemo appointment. I really did not want to go. I just wanted to run and hide . But where to, like I said before I can’t run away from myself. I was dizzy and lightheaded for 9 days after the first treatment. And was not able to drive, because I did not even trust myself going down the stairs in my home. Then to top it all of I caught myself a urinary Trac infection. After 4 days on meds. They finally kicked in, but the pain and pressure is still there. So you start to feel halfway like yourself again, and then you have to go do it all over again. When I got to appointment I was told that my white blood count was way low, but they wanted to go ahead and do the Chemo anyway, to see how I do with it. I was told not to go anywhere where there is a big crowd of People like the mall, stores, or movies. They gave me 5 Mask to wear just in case I did need to go to the store or to the doctor for complication. Nice to know……
I’m feeling weak, and can’t really eat much, because my stomach feels so icky.
So, I just rest, and keep my fluids up, so I can flush this poison out of my body.
Have not lost my hair yet, thank goodness. I am not in a hurry to look like a egg. I got myself some scarves, and caps made out of yarn, to keep my noodle warm. Its winter here in Colorado after all. Today we are getting 10 inches of snow, and tomorrow 5 more. So I will not be going out anywhere. That’s all I need is to run my car off the road. So I say at home with my big rope on, and the fireplace running full roar. I heard that the 3. Or the last Chemo would feel the worse or the hardest? Any input on that?
Well I’ll better go, have to do the potty thing again.
Take care.
Christine
They say the last cemo is the worst because you have had someone there all the time thru out cemo on your last one you realize its all over and you will standing alone for a while those feelings will subsize as the days pass and you start to feel good again. As for me I stood there and said I been thru all this Iam still standing. There is one thing in life I have learned about cancer it has no predjudice. I wish I could be tinkerbell and make cancer disapear
Ladybud 2000: if you read my post alone with hodkins you sound exactly as I felt and still feel sometimes.posting here has helped somwhat no soooo much, it was this web site I learnt I am not alone. It was here I learned about the Portacath and got one inserted. I learned how to be careful about what I eat and drink lots of water even when I don't feel like. Well each chemo is different I have 6 cycles 12 rounds am on the 9th and I am sicker than ever so can't imagine the last to be worst than this. From all reports there is a 85 percent chance of being cured when I started out I swore I was in the 15 percent section now am learning there is life after Hodgkins. Stay strong and remember we are hereM
So Ladybug Christine, did you ever get to buy those pants? We're all keen to know.
Hey Ladybug my name is Paula it's been a while since I've been on here i've been off the chemo for 6 months now and I'm back to work and trying to get my life back on track after this cancer. In march 2010 I was diagnosed with HL 3B. I felt exactly like you but me being the supposedly strong person that I'm known to be didn't express my anger and sadness to anyone I was all strenghth and smiles and faith that everything was going to be alright. So far so good I'm in remission and just took my 6 month scan no results yet that will happen at the doc appt. on the 30th. My doc said I would be bald in a week and my hair thinned out a little it's still all here and growing. So I'm sharing this to say stay strong and thank you for saying everything I 'm feeling and was too stubborn to say.
Cancer sucks. I have gone through 10 rounds of Chemo with 2 more to go. It is so hard to go through this. We really do not have a chioce. We need to do this and get it over with and move on with our lives.