i have just realised what he was, the post's have been a revelation
3 Hearts
HI, superwoman. I had exactly the same experience. Totally confused, grieving, depressed, and an old friend asked me if narcissism might be involved. I said "What? - 'narcissism'?" I'll Google it. And then my brain almost exploded as I read a description of narcissism which so perfectly described my ex-fiancée. It was a life-changing revelation, and she hated it when she learned that I was studying narcissism and reading everything I could find. She had nothing but contempt for everything I had learned and raised with her. I was supposed to believe only what she told me to believe...
2 Hearts
@KurtMichaels we decided to end our relationship after 24yrs ….it is totally like grief, i had to be signed of work for two weeks and he was in the house during this as we agreed he had that time here to get himself sorted.
he had convinced me this was a mutual decision and for the best, during that two week period he whatched me suffer i was broken and kept saying “i will look after you/always be there for you/we will remain friends/i will cover the bills” it makes me sick to my stomach to now realise he thrived on my suffering and i now know he was having a long term affair.
how can someone be so cruel ?? oh thats because they are a NARC
I know the feeling!
we decided to end our relationship after 24yrs ….it is totally like grief, i had to be signed of work for two weeks and he was in the house during this as we agreed he had that time here to get himself sorted.
he had convinced me this was a mutual decision and for the best, during that two week period he whatched me suffer i was broken and kept saying "i will look after you/always be there for you/we will remain friends/i will cover the bills" it makes me sick to my stomach to now realise he thrived on my suffering and i now know he was having a long term affair.
how can someone be so cruel ?? oh thats because they are a NARC
2 Hearts
Yes, the posts here have been a revelation to me too. I ran across something about narcissism about a week ago when I googled "silent treatment". That all helped me put my finger on what's been bothering me about the situation I'm in. I'd already realised that trying to discuss issues was impossible - "everything's my fault" so there's nothing to discuss.
Thanks tabbylady. It's all kind of overwhelming right now, but I'm glad to see that there are other people who have been through this and found their way out.
Silent treatment here too.... there is nothing as cruel as never being able to defend yourself. :/
@Appleblossom1
The problem is even if we do “talk”, he’s always right (in his lordly opinion) and everything is always my fault. So talking just leads to frustration and upset, same as the silent treatment. I think one of the best things I’ve done for myself is to decide that his opinion about me is not relevant, even if sometimes I slip and forget that it isn’t.
Mine used to get angry because I could poke holes in his logic. He didn't want to take any of the blame at all....
2 Hearts
@Appleblossom1 - They are so used to your obedient acceptance of everything they say that they forget whether what they’ve told you is the truth or a lie, or a fabrication, or just something that spouted out of their mouth. Makes no difference - you catch them saying two different things or talking illogically and they don’t care, they just laugh. What A-holes…
Mine got soooo mad at me. He told me his ex was a cold heart who wouldn't have anything to do with him. And I defended him using his own lies to him and he'd get angry and I wouldn't understand why. It turns out the truth was she said "I need to study for finals" and he broke up with her over it. Of course, I never got that from him. And of course she would want to know what the hell she did wrong, just like I did... which he used to make her look desperate and clingy.