I have MDD and have been struggling with it for a long

I have MDD and have been struggling with it for a long time since before I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I was prescribed an antidepressant but my dad never let me take them so I just handle it in silence usually. I don't think my dad understands how bad it actually is for me. About 2 years ago I harmed myself seriously and had to be hospitalized. Again they prescribed an antidepressant but my dad didn't let me take them. I feel socially isolated and that no one understands. I went to a therapist as a child because of anxiety after my mom and dad divorced and had a psychiatrist 2 years ago after my incident. I feel I could benefit from a psychiatrist but don't want to be labeled by others. Some days I just want to end it so they finally know how I felt. Today is one of those days for me which is why i'm seeking help. I feel alone and that not even my family cares. I've put up barriers to where no one can see my pain and I seem happy. The thing is i'm not, it's my greatest scene I do everyday. At school the barriers broke and i'd have an anxiety attack and cry a long time in the counselor's office. My dad wants me to go out and be with friends since it's summer but I just want to be by myself. Most days when I contemplate suicide I talk myself out of it because I know I have potential with my talent in this world. Others I just want to so bad but can't because someone is in the house. I just need help, I can't do it on my own much longer.

Hi AllStateSinger - If your life is in danger, please call 911 or a suicide hotline.

You have shown a lot of courage and strength by coming here for support! I am so pleased that you have come here, rather than harming yourself.

I find that trusting in God is very helpful! God knows that you are hurting, and He will help you if you let Him. You can reach out to a faith community in your area, maybe talk to a youth pastor about the struggles you are facing.

I encourage you to seek the support that you need. If you think that a psychiatrist would help, please ask your doctor to make a referral. I have a psychiatrist, and I am very open about this fact. If I had an oncologist for cancer I would not worry about being labeled. If we keep silent about our struggles, than the stigma continues, and mental illness continues to be an illness of isolation!!

You mentioned that you were prescribed anti-depressants but your dad would not let you take them. Have you told this to your mom, or to your doctor. If not taking your medication put your life in danger, than you should be allowed to take them. i am sure that there is someone who can help you through this. Maybe even try talking to your school counselor about it!!

Please knwo that you are not alone and that there are many people who struggle with depression. I have had depression for a while now, but it is getting better. So even when the hurt seems unbearable, please know that with the proper support you can make it through!!

you may want to check out a support gorup in your area. That way you would meet people who are struggling with similar circumstances.

Please private message me if you'd like to talk.

May the Holy Spirit guide you, and may God and Christ comfort you and give you strength!!

God bless