I have never told anyone this, but I have been masturbating

I have never told anyone this, but I have been masturbating for almost 11 years. Five of those years have been compulsively. I'm twenty. I remember discovering sex when I was nine or ten years old. During the summer vacation, I would stay up late; my parents wasn't that strict and the didn't monitor use much. TV channels like HBO and Showtime would play these sexually explicit movies after midnight. While I didn't know what I was seeing (my parents never gave me the talk), I did know that I enjoyed watching it. Back then I could not wait for it to be midnight so I watch those movies. I even would use the internet to learn about sex. It wasn't until I was 11 years old that I started to masturbate. I would be so excited for summer break because it meant that there was nothing to distract me from masturbating. It was amazing at first, but as time want on it got worst. I used to be satisfied with only one orgasm then that wasn't enough so I want to two then three and so on. My orgasms also got weaker. Sometimes I will become frustrated when I couldn't reach an orgasm. I masturbate when I wake up and before I bed to help me get to sleep. Now I'm 20 and in college. I can't focus on my work because I rather masturbate. I become horny in public and sometimes masturbate in bathroom stalls. I never had a relationship and I'm terrible at maintaining relationships. I'm disgusted with myself and feel that no one will ever love me. I see myself as human filth.

2 Hearts

You are not, I am going thru the same thing. I run a small company but deal with that more often than I wish to admit.

Oh sweetie...you are not human fifth...so sorry you find yourself in this. You aren't alone and it can be a struggle. Shame has a horrible way of keeping us down...so you need to work on getting past the shame part and maybe seeking out some help? I know I didn't want to feel "enslaved" to something and I was about your age (little older) when my new hubby and I started watching porn. I found myself watching it by myself...and it just wasn't healthy for my marriage. I have some great resources if you are interested...let me know. Do you have someone you can share this with...that you can trust? Sometimes just saying it out loud to someone can help. You were so very young when you got introduced to this...so please please don't feel bad about yourself. You can get past this!!!

2 Hearts

No one seems to have suggested hypnotism as yet, that’s worth a try, because it can help you with mastering self-hypnosis and put you in a different frame of mind when you have such urges. Secondly, see perhaps an endocrinologist, because you could have a hormone imbalance that needs to be adjusted. Good luck with it, but you need to see a specialist.

well let me tell you this, there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not human filth…
I’m 65 and I still masturbate… but I want to talk to you about being 20 and never having been in a relationship… you’re young and this is an easy one to overcome… tell me more about yourself and what kinds of women you are attracted to…

1 Heart

There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating. I masturbated a lot when I was your age. I too felt guilt due to my upbringing, but masturbation is completely normal.

I was taught wrong and frankly the idea it was wrong was destructive and screwed me up for a long time. Again there is nothing wrong with it it is COMPLETELY normal and completely natural. Especially at 20. I remember I used to often get hard riding on the school bus as a teen, and I felt that there was something wrong with me. What was wrong with me was I was taught the BS that sex and masturbation was wrong. I remember at one point I was masturbating so much I had developed a callus on my penis so you are probably OK. Don’t sweat it, instead look at what made you think it was wrong in the first place and understand you learned something very destructive.

Now, that said, it is possible you have some level of a sex addiction but I think that is unlikely and its likely just you are horny which again is perfectly normal and natural especially at your age.

Great support @LonelyArtGuy, we wanted to welcome you to the site, we hope you find it a place of kindness and support. -SG