I have recently found that the only thing suspecting your sp

I have recently found that the only thing suspecting your spouse of infidelity is confirming your spouse of infidelity. I am exactly where some of you are right now, feeling like you're on a ship in the middle of a storm, holding on for dear life as you're tossed about, hoping not to fall off or for the ship to flounder and sink. There is not one day that passes where I don't consider ending it, just as a way to permanently stop the pain. What stops me are my 7 & 10 year old daughters. My STBX feels guilt and sorrow for what she's done, but she hasn't stopped. I'm sure that you all have difficulty stopping your head at night enough to sleep, as do I. I guess what hurts the most is that feeling of THINKING that everything is secure - you're committed to her, and shes committed to you, and finding out that they want someone else. That you are not sufficient for their needs. Its that feeling of being "unwanted", "unclean", the jetsam of the relationship.

I'm sorry for airing things out like this - but it feels so **** good to just vent.

1 Heart

Guitar, good for you for venting. That's what OUR groups are for. We can't help or advise you if we don't know the problem.

1 Heart

Guitar, so your wanting to stay in a situation and relationship where you know she’s cheating. But your willing to over look it? Wow, big if you. Your staying for the sake of the kids,? Most kids know something is up. Most therapists will tell you your wrong to stay for the kids or family. Unless you BOTH are working it out. Very one sided Buddy… You need your happiness too.

If she's not trying, then you can't expect this relationship to go on. Make a plan.... do something different to get past this. You love her, but she doesn't love enough to stop. Often times in a long relationship, people don't like change. She's made the first move Knowing the consequences of her actions. Now you need to continue and think of your kids and yourself.

Unless things change on her part, there's no way that I can stay. But it's the feeling of being rejected that makes me want to try harder to please her. But I learned long ago with past relationships that when they are gone, they are gone, and begging and pleading only pushes them away further and steels their resolve. So at this point, I know it's over. My head tells me that. My heart is longing for what was, but my head knows that it will never be again. And you're right about the kids. They know something is up. And losing my schmidt in front of them and crying only reinforces that for them, despite my best efforts to conceal it.

@Mrguitarman glad your admitting it. Specially for the kids. Time to make plans and make changes. Good luck and let us know how its going.

THANK YOU SIR! Already figuring out what to do. STBX is taking the weekend away to go stay with some friends and "sort things out", but I do not expect anything to change once she's back. I'm looking at finding an apartment or other living arrangements over the weekend so that I'm ready to act once she's back in town.

From Romantic Relationships to Divorce & Separation