I have written here a few times now about a lifelong best friend who had become very controlling over the last two years. I had gone to a counselor who suggested that I tell my friend how I felt, which I did. My friend then told me that the relationship had become toxic and she needed time on her own and didn't want me to contact her. She has contacted me twice-once to say that she hadn't known that our friendship had made me feel anxious and the second time, to tell me that all she was asking for was a little support and she found my reaction(by speaking to her about the anxiety) bizarre. I have told her that I think that it would be important for us to go together to a counselor to speak about this, and she rejects this idea for now. I just find that when she contacts me with her views of how I have wronged her, stress invoking. I think that without a counselor intervention, there is no hope of saving this friendship, because she continually has found ways over the last two years to become upset with me for how she feels I have been unsupportive of her and that has caused me to keep her at arms length. I can't go back to that. I just want a way to continue on without spending the time, rethinking the whole thing and wishing that the friendship didn't come at such a cost.
You should ask the counselor if she suspects that your friend is a narcissist. I would look at the narcissist group here and see if anything that anyone else posts sounds similar to what you are dealing with in regards to your friend's behavior.
Your friendship sounds very similar to my relationship with my BF. He was military for 13 years and we once diagnosed with bipolar. I don’t know if he’s bipolar or not... however I know the support group for friends and family of people with BP is very helpful for me... I think you should check it out... whether your friend is bipolar or not, I have a feeling the support group would connect with you and your situation. (Hugs)
@Cgroome28@gmail.com I have written to the bipolar board. Thanks again.
Thankyou for your comments. I appreciate your help.
It has been over 4 years since I wrote the original post above and I just came across this post the other day. I did seek counselling regarding my friend and she agreed to go with me but she quit after one session, telling me that the counsellor(who neither of us knew) was seeming to be completely in my favour. My friend then told me that she was taking a break from our friendship due to feeling that I wasn’t supportive in any way, and she wished no contact from me. Other than wishing her a happy birthday each year, I have honoured her request, but I stopped this, this year because as my daughter said, “What would it mean if 364 other days of the year, we had no contact?” I will always miss the friendship we had before it went completely off the rails, but I also needed to protect my own mental health, and counselling in the first two years was so very helpful to me. Just an update, that although the friendship I had so cherished for most of my life is done, I have been able to still get to the other side.
I’m also struggling to end a friendship. He has become very controlling and manipulative the past few years. We’ve been friends for over 10 years. I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t like how he acts and he always apologizes, makes excuses, says he won’t do it again and continues to do it. He ignores all my boundaries and pressures me to give in. I finally tried to end the friendship earlier this year and he kept apologizing, saying he wouldn’t do it again and kept asking to stay friends and hang out. I eventually gave in which I later realized I shouldn’t have but he just would not stop pressuring me. He’s still continuing to do the same things as before and I’ve tried to not let it affect me since talking to him about it does nothing. I’ve accepted he probably will never change at this point, but I just don’t know how to get him to leave me alone without blocking him since he’s the one that messages me first most of the time. I’ve been responding more dryly in texts and stopped hanging out so much but he just doesn’t seem to get the message and will ask to hang out again a week or two later and won’t take no for an answer without trying to pressure me. I’ve tried not responding before but he just keeps trying to contact me every few days. I’m worried if I block him, he’ll come over to my house to talk since he’s done that before in the past and I just don’t wanna deal with that.
Welcome back! We are so proud of you for doing everything possible to save this friendship that meant so much to you, but relationships have to be give and take and since you gave everything and she took, that wasn’t fair. Again, welcome back and we hope you enjoy the new and improved site. -SG
@KFH520, it sounds like your friend isn’t respecting your boundaries or your feelings at all. I think that as hard as it may be, if you truly want to end the friendship, then you have to tell your friend and just be ready to stand firm with your decision. I think with no changes in your friend’s behaviour, you will get there.