I haven't posted for a long time. My husband is a sex addict

I haven't posted for a long time. My husband is a sex addict. He went to Rehab. He's working on the trauma that caused the addiction but he's not interested on ending the addiction. Today we got in an argument about an incident and I need advise from other addicts. When we first got married, we lived in separate states for the first year due to the military. 3 weeks after our wedding he met his mistress and created a 2nd life. They had their owns friend group, apartment, everything. I say it's not part of the addiction because it was planned out.. apartment hunting, furniture shopping, meet her family..the whole package. He says it's part of his addiction. Help me understand this.

1 Heart

You were married, he created a second life with another woman, he can call it whatever he likes, but it is still cheating. It is unfair to you.

The person is asking you to stay in a dysfunctional situation? Is he military?

@Lookn4raysofSunshine we’re both retired military. He has been diagnosed with sex addiction stemming from childhood trauma. I just don’t know if the 2nd life (which ended years ago) was addiction related or not.

There’s a very big difference between addiction, and being in an open relationship. Your partner is currently in an open relationship with you, without your consent, while blaming it on addiction. Usually people with addictions behave in compulsive ways, to seek a dopamine rush or to escape unpleasant emotions. What he’s doing is very well thought out, planned, and he has manipulated you to feeling sorry for him having a mistress by calling it an addiction. He has complex trauma, likely a personality disorder on the cluster B. Less addiction, more lack of empathy.