I don't know what I am. I'm attracted to guys and girls, but I can't really talk to anyone about it. I mean, my parents are the kind of people who make jokes about anything. They tease me about being a lesbian all the time. I'm not, I think I may be bisexual though. I would just really like to know how to tell them or how to feel more comfortable about my situation...
I know how you feel. I am bi, and none of my family know, because they always make jokes about stuff like that. Never tell anyone until you are ready to. I don't ever plan on telling my family. A few close of my friends knows and that's it. You will know when the right time to tell people is. Just don't tell anyone until you are ready.
Hello Kaedy,
I think Melissa has good advice to seriously consider when she says don't tell anyone until you're ready. Otherwise that may create unnecessary emotional trauma for you. And it's difficult enough for you to be uncertain without the pressure of having others pitching in their two cents, especially if they are biased, make fun of non-heterosexuality.
I'm a 53 year old hetero mom who just stumbled onto your post. I live in an upscale urban area and therefore have a good representation of non-hetero friends I respect and love. In the 1980s I heard one horror story of disownment about one coming out to hetero family members who weren't open-minded, which by now for all I know got cleared up since people are much more open-minded now, my perception at least. This did influence me however. When my sons were very young, I mentioned to each of them a few times if they were attracted to men sexually I'd love them every bit as much as always, made no difference to me, my main hope for them was to be happy and some people are gay naturally and therefore happiest with same sex partners. It isn't something we choose. It is just how we are or aren't. Approx. 10% of every population is gay according to what I've read.
I think it's completely reasonable if you aren't sure for you to give yourself the privacy space to explore this for yourself until you are more certain of your sexual orientation given your family bias. When you are more certain, it's your decision to tell or not. I will say, in the course of getting clearer with their sexuality, a number of people I know or knew of thought they might have been bi, then discovered they were exclusively interested in same sex partners, sometimes with tragic results. One of my dear friends married a guy who she was great friends with only to discover he liked guys too, then liked guys exclusively. While this happened, her child bearing years passed, so her hopes of having a biological child of her own were forfeited. A close gay man friend of mine who passed 20 years ago, emphasized to me on several occasions that many married men he knew had secret relations with men, closeted and miserable trying to lead double lives with wives they faked interest in, children they loved with all their hearts and secret same sex true loves they betrayed every day to keep up pretenses. The emotional turmoil of being closeted is massive.
So my best advice to you and whoever you're involved with is don't waste time, experiment now. Discover what works best for you. If you discover you are bi, so be it. If you discover you are gay, so be it. Be happy and thankful and joyful in knowing yourself and being true to yourself. Your greatest happiness in personal relations will come from being your most authentic, whatever that is. And visa versa, you will have your most miserable and regrettable life experiences if you try to fake your true affections. If friends and family have an issue with that, that's their issue and not something to compromise your happiness or the happiness of others over, or even have grief over.
So in view of your family members non-hetero bias, I'd say, experiment and get more sure of your sexuality. Only when you're sure, consider telling, if at all. And if you don't ever tell, be prepared to live closeted to some extent. Maybe that will work for you, maybe not. It's a very personal decision that works better for some people than others, depending on circumstances, sometimes personal, sometimes professional, sometimes both.
And if what I've written speaks to you as coming from someone whose view you might value, I'm here for you if you'd like more input. You took the step of making your post, I found it and replied. Now I'm here for you if you'd like to share more and get more feedback from me. If you post again Melissa may have more valuable feedback too as a closeted bi gal, experience I don't share first hand that might be especially unique and valuable to you too. Hugs and blessings to you.
you should have a serious talk with your parents and tell them that you firmly believe your bi and ask them not to joke about your sexuality, tell them how it feels when they joke about you. dont be shy say everything your thinking and get it out in the open
i think their joking is just a way of trying to deal with the fact that your different. but i am sure they will listen when you have a talk with them, because they don't want to hurt you:)
It really gets on my nerves and hurts when I hear stories about people who can't come out and tell people...especially parents...who they are and it hurts more than annoys because I've been there, done that. I just want to say that if you don't want them finding out until you're ready, just be really careful wat you say thru text, facebook, even voicemail. Anything recorded like that, they can read or hear, so be careful. That's how my mom and nosy cosin found out I was bi. I choose to not be discriminated agains by my own family. Just do what your heart tells you. Don't listen to anyone but your heart and God. (if you believe in God).
I agree with you Tyler.
how do you tell if your gay? I suspect i am