I just got the get over it speech from my dad... I just want to die right now :(
5 Hearts
=( Please ignore his speech. He may mean well but not everyone can understand how it feels or know how to be supportive. We are here for you and we know how hard it is just to live each day with these feelings, memories, and flashbacks.
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That really sux. Hate those words "get over it" too. It comes from persons that don't really want to learn the full deep down thoughts of supposedly loved ones. I want to die too for other reasons but I hope you get better, somehow, growingbackwards.
Tealy is right. Ignore it. I hear that from multiple people too. But you know what. While they go on with their perfect lives we suffer in silence. Believe me I get constant flak from the rest of my family about my failed life. but not one will ever ask you why are you so down. And I know that hurts alot. Believe me I know
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I hate it when someone says "Get over it" as though you want to be unhappy or something. "Oh OK. 'Get over it,' thanks, I hadn't thought of that!" I am sure your dad means well. I'm sure he doesn't want you unhappy and is just eager to see you in a better place. That will happen but it will take time. Hang in there. We're here for you.
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I hope this is helpful, buuuuuuuut... Anyone who gives me the "get over it" racket would signal to me that they joined the list of people whose advice I will NOT take. The worst part of this is that it came from someone whom you really should be able to lean on for support. This has happened to me as well and it came from probably THE MOST in-need Vietnam vet who never had the guts to seek help (he just took his moods out on those around him).
Maybe give him time, but if he isn't increasingly receptive in the next few months, or doesn't listen to what you have to say (another unfortunate experience I've been through), then politely disregard his "advice." I had to learn the hard way (dozens of times over) that explaining my condition to deliberately-ignorant coworkers won't get them to be more sensitive or even lay-off.
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I'm sure your father wished the best for you when he said 'get over it', but at the same time it means he thinks that this is 'just a phase' and you're dwelling in it. I know (for different reasons) what is like to have someone who wants to help you but only manages to do worse because he has not been through the same things I had, You writing on this support group means you DO want to get over it and you're looking for the right help... Hold on! I'm sure you can do it!
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I am very sorry that you are suffering and now have this rejection and blaming on top of it.
The "get over it speech" is as old as history. It's just a dishonest form of distancing and blaming. Anyone who uses it is never going to be available to you for support or as a resource. It's dishonest because it sets the frame that there's something wrong with us that we're suffering and we need to be "tough" like the rest (which is bs).
I have heard the "get over it speech" so many times. Even from people who should know better. What they are doing is distancing from us. And covertly blaming us. What we want is to be comforted and for someone to share our grief.
Judging from this and your other post in PTSD, your family is as toxic as Chernobyl and I support you getting out of there as soon as you can safely do so.
I wish there was a way to just plunge you immediately into a nest of pure, warm comfort. However, the only thing I can do is encourage you to set up a small circle of supportive people outside your family. Professional counselors. A church-based support. The local community center. Or your school if you're a student. If you regularly go to the doctor for any reason, ask to meet with her privately and then also tell her what you need.
1 Heart
Thank you all so much for being so supportive. I know my Dad means well but I'm just tired of feeling like nobody understands. I feel so alone. I feel alone because I have no family I can talk to without being triggered. I only speak to my dad and 1 sister who's lives in the carribean. I thought my dad understood until today. It broke my heart cause I know I can't rely on him when I need lifting up... I've moved away from my family since 2012 but some seemed to follow me into this whole different state. I have some of them who say they care and want to be in my life but don't understand that if they're apart of his, it's a trigger. They don't understand how it makes me feel and how it affects me. I feel so alone and so depressed. I feel like I am no value to my family. This bothers me so much that I can barely keep it together around my spouse and our kids. I know my spouse and kids love me because they show it everyday and I'm most grateful for them. But a lot of times the feeling of being so alone because I can't reach out to any of my sister's or brothers. I can't go to a family function. It consumes me. My mind... my dreams... my thoughts... it consumes my entire life. I sooooo want to put this past me and move on to "get over it" as they say. But how can I when it consumes me so bad? How can I when it makes me feel like dying? Like I'm not loved? Like I'm a nobody? I don't have any self worth anymore. I don't know how to get out of these feelings. I just want to be "normal", whatever that is... Sorry I just had to vent and get this out. Thanks again for everyone's support and suggestions, it means so much to me that I can come on here to vent. Good night and God bless.
@Growingbackwards are you feeling your pain is beyond your fathers understanding? At the same time you need him badly. You are not alone, it takes time to heal, good thing is you have a family, your spouse and kids.
Please don't be too hard on your father. My daughter has the same issues with her dad. They're growing closer, but he still doesn't understand.
He used to tell her if she just thought positive she wouldn't be depressed.
He loves her and would do anything for her, but he doesn't understand and it's his way of trying to help.
I know it sounds lame, but parents aren't perfect and they do the best they can.
If your dad is anything like my daughters dad he cares, but shows it in weird ways. Just try to accept his flaws and find support elsewhere.
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Why is he doing this to me!!!
I hate that speech. I hate that phrase. It doesn't work. PTSD isn't something you can just switch off. It's not a scraped knee that you can just get over.
*coughs* So is it kind of obvious that I get angry and rake whatever unfortunate soul over the coals for having the gall to say that kind of thing?
Look, depression sucks you in. Sometimes it's better to feel anger than the empty sadness and lack of self-worth. Telling someone to get over it doesn't work, and I tell that to everyone who tries that speech on me.
In any case, sending hugs your way. We all need them after that kind of speech.
1 Heart