I know depression is taking me down when I am feeling overwh

I know depression is taking me down when I am feeling overwhelmed. I can function at work because I know my kids really on me to pay our bills and provide meals. After work I just do what I can usually I can clean our living spaces then I'm to tired to clean my room. Mainly the pile of clean clothing I need to hang back up and put away. It was not like this for me but I have so much on my plate not to mention in the lat 3 year I got divorced after being married 20 years was living at my dads waiting for my uncle to build me a home out of a storage building I was left with. My son was incarcerated for 3 months then diagnosed with mental illness and my youngest son died a little over a year ago last September at 15 and my daughter was diagnosed with heart problems at 17 a month after my son died. We have not had much time in between good and bad stuff happening some times there is no pause in between. I would love to just stay in my room lay in bed some how that is comforting for me. I can't do this for long but when I do my son and daughter know I'm sad and hurting I can't help it but it strengthens me when they come in and just start talking to me we strengthen each other. If it was a matter of choice we would all choose to be happy at all times but there is a time for grieving and dancing it's just hard facing so much all at once I like to always remain positive the day my son died I encouraged my self to go to work by telling my self that it was going to be a better day boy was I wrong when the doctor came in to tell me he did all he could to save him I could not believe it how could I be hearing this at the end of a day in which I told mysel things were going to get better? That was the first time I ever told myself that it's so weird? Many events and holidays have come and gone but I am not completely celebrating still getting use to not celebrating my sons bday not getting him a present for Christmas having 2 kids instead of seeing 3 the last gift I gave my son was a bile he treasured his bike he bought parts to customize it how he wanted it was still planning on getting him a light for evening safety. We will never be the same again. I know we are strong because depression has not over taken us regardless of our sercumstances but we do fight it often

Want to Learn you are amazing. Fighting the good fight against odds I pray I never know. Doing it for yourself and your children. Pleasure to meet you and if ever you need a sounding board, I am hear to listen. Good vibes heading your way! Immpresive

Thanks I call it survival at this point. Many times just venting helps. I can look at what others post with a different view point than I did before. Today I was hearing a devotional and most of the time I am inspired but today I caught myself saying easy for you to say it was different and yet it was how I really felt. This support group is a place where we can be real we can bring our broken wounded self and find that others relate and understand. And encourage us like you just did. I Have a coworker who was able to confide in me that she also has a mental illness she knew I am so close to this and there is no way I could stigmitize her because I have knowledge and compassion for what her and my son are going through. I know we can use our pain and what we have learned through hard times for allot of good reasons. Thanks for your kind words.

What a wonderful woman..I can feel your strength in the words you write and a couple of huge positives I see in your life..you are energised by the kids..they are your life companions and you are theirs..a true gift. You will all be reunited with your son one day. You will all be together again. The other wonderful thing is you dad. And what he is working on building for you. Hang in there. You are doing better than you think strong spirit.