I know my relationship with my ex is toxic. So, then why am

I know my relationship with my ex is toxic. So, then why am I sticking around? I know I don't want to lose him completely. So, I'll settle for just being friends because he means a lot to me. But sometimes I think that me being friends isn't always beneficial for me because being around him still makes me have romantic feelings. My ex tells me that he loves me and that he wants to be with me but that he would like me to wait until after he graduates from college so that he can pay attention to me fully. And I feel some type of way about that because I feel like if you really love somebody and you care about them that you'll make time no matter how busy you are. Which makes me feel like I'm not actually loved by him. And it also makes me feel like he fully doesn't want to take responsibility and be committed. Like he isn't prepared for that yet. But he doesn't want me dating other people. He wants me to only wait for him. And God knows how long that's going to take. I already waited for years for him and he wants me to wait four more. Well when I confronted him about that specific phrase he got upset and said that he didn't say that's how long he wanted me to wait for. But my future with him is uncertain. I don't have stability or hope thoughts in my head.

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Hi, I can understand how you feel but this person must have a very important goal in life. From what few people I know whom have lived something similar and waited things out, the relationship eventually failed.

I dealt with the same thing as you and now three years later I am in this forum trying to get support for breaking up so I don’t go back to him. For me personally, it’s a codependency. I literally feel sick as I deal with this breakup, but I know it’s much more painful for me to just suck it up and be with him just so that I don’t lose him. It’s like putting a band aid over a gash that won’t heal. It feels like it’s fixed by him being with you when in reality him being there is just covering up a bigger problem. I am afraid to be alone without him because he is the only person I have ever felt this love for, but I know I have to go because it is toxic. And toxic doesn’t have to be punching, toxic can be two people who just drain eachother. I have realized that I need to be alone to better myself so I don’t feel like I need him, that way when I am in a relationship I can always feel stability because I have myself. I am in a foggy mindset right now bc I am going through literal withdrawal stages from my now ex, but I hope this makes sense. I urge you to block him on everything no matter the pain. He will come back and you must realize he is only coming back because he is scared too, but nothing will change if y’all just fall back into the same dark hole again. If you want to talk, I can talk because trust me I need support myself. You will be much better off to rip the bandaid off now and allow it to heal rather than just keep covering it up. It’s really hard though, very hard, but I really think it would be worth it for both of us and anyone else who feels like this.

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@morganruth02 thank you for your support of comment. I have been feeling an urge for over a year now to really just move on but I guess the part of me that doesn’t want to move on doesnt because I put so much work and energy into this. So it’s like I’m ready but I’m not entirely ready. And for some reason I leave the decision up to him on whether or not I go. Because when he tells me to go I feel guilty and then I end up staying. Even though we aren’t even dating.

Hi, I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I think if you've been "feeling an urge to move on" for so long, then it's probably not good for you emotionally to keep waiting for him. Guilt and time/effort spent are not good reasons for being in a relationship with someone. Even if you end up actually together in the future, you may surprise yourself by resenting him for these feelings, and not even being happy with what you thought you wanted all along.

Just a few thoughts. I hope you end up in a happy, loving relationship, you sound like a great person!

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@reaThua9 thank you so much.