I listened to a radio interview with Noomi Rapace. She was

I listened to a radio interview with Noomi Rapace. She was talking about asking a friend about personal stuff. She described talking about secrets like this:

"The moment you start speaking about it, it is almost like you are bringing oxygen into dark rooms in yourself that you thought had to be closed and lonely and shut for ever. And as soon as you let a little bit of daylight and a little bit of emotional oxygen into those hidden places I think it is the first step to heal and deal with it."

This struck me so hard. It was like she was describing the transformation I saw in my 12 year old daughter when she learned I knew about her dad's cheating and she didn't have to keep that secret anymore. I literally saw her being able to breathe again. I also think it is why she's been able to heal and maintain a relationship with her dad. I think that is also why I don't keep secrets about my own journey in this infidelity and breakup of my marriage.

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I knew about my father's affair, I can't imagine how hard it would have felt like to know my mother didn't know or even think that!

@CKBlossom My daughter feels emotions very very deeply and often has challenges in dealing with them. She had suspected for 18 months and the day she confirmed by seeing his message to women she reached out to her friends and a cousin to figure out what to do. They all told her to tell me, but that was a such a hard thing for a 12 year old to do. Unfortunately, the pressure was too great and she took steps to try and kill herself. Thank god she was unsuccessful. But, I will never forgive her father for that. I think he has buried it deep and refuses to acknowledge that it really happened. I’m sure believing it is true would be too painful for him. I will admit that I often wish he was the one who tried to kill themselves.

I can see where that makes sense.

Nothing good comes from secrets. It goes as far back as biblical guidance. It’s my personal philosophy in life and the transparency has gotten me very far with friends, family, career and new relationships.

1 Heart

Isn't that therapy 101? Talk about your problems. A few weeks ago my son (the one who was abused by my ex) started speaking out when his Safe-at-Home worker's boss came to visit. She is a therapist so she gave us a little session and my son started saying how he was mad at me because I "allowed him to be abused." I didn't because I didn't know about it but it really helped him when he got that out. It was like poison. He's actually been doing much better in the last few weeks since then too.

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