i literally have no one to turn to now, the 1 person i trusted with my life has now shown there true colours , after years of lies , lies that i thought was the truth hence a lie. lost all faith now in people and everything. this person has proven my biggest fear and something iv said for over 6 years, 'Love to me is the biggest foundation of failure' because you give that other person the power to destroy you because that thing we call love, if she feared me she wouldnt be able to use this power,but because im not a nasty guy she can destroy me at her will , whenever she feels like it, thats what love does it gives someone the power to destroy you and for them to just walk away after they have shattered you. what is the point in all this
1 Heart
I'm going through the exact same thing. I've started writing a blog. I even have nightmares about losing this person. They are very good at pretending they don't care and avoiding things. It hurts. My blog is here, it may provide some comfort that someone at least feels the same way. https://separationlane.wordpress.com/
thanks il check it out :) , you know the worst thing is the fact that they can pick you up and put you down like a toy when they want you there ,there but as soon as they done with you bang your just dumped like you never ment anything, my other half talks to me like she dont care that is when we do speak like maybe 2 hours every 2 weeks or so, we hardly talk at all now because of our situation and she just seems like she dont care and openly admitting to me 2 days ago she lies to me and things iv trusted to be the truth have been lies. just i have no idea how to deal with this, im at a loss which for me is very odd because im always a man with a plan and right now im just clueless. dont no what to do or where to go. got no 1 to turn to at all
Yeah that's what upsets me the most. Knowing he can just 'take me or leave me'. My friend knew he was pretty much the only person I had to rely on. I'm in therapy but it's only 1 hour a week and outside of that I'm just lost. I can't seem to connect with anyone and I feel like I've gone backwards in my progress. It's a vicious cycle because when you feel like this you can't just 'get out there' and meet new people and form new relationships - because you know how you are as a person, an emotionally unhealthy person disables you from forming any strong bond.
wow its like you taken a little coach ride through my mind. what im feeling you just said it pretty much word for word. the state im in right now im so weak that you could literally poke me and i feel like id shatter into a million pieces. if only that could happen, then id get some peace inside and out, its impossible right now for me to step out and try and find the courage to say hello to anyone nevermind a female. i feel so low right now that it would show as soon as i speak my desprassion would show. and that can only lead to worse things, not that i want that at all. i want my partner to care like she used to,but she doesnt n that feeling is breaking my heart because shes the only person i want, yet im here on my own with no 1, if i had the courage i crave id be able to do so many things. but right now i just dont no where to turn.
I'm so glad you said that. I feel like the only person on the planet who thinks and acts the way I do. It's never always, all your fault. It can't be. Your partner was attracted to you for a reason if she thinks she's such a walk in the park then why did she end up with someone who has mental health issues? That isn't meant to reflect badly on you at all, but my therapist has told me that people play 'games' and your partner is the person you're playing a game with, and it takes two people to play a game. But it's easier for her to blame you right? Then she doesn't have to reflect on herself, or pin point her own flaws and work on them. We're in an impossible situation. We want nothing but to love, be loved in return and be happy. But we don't know how, we don't have the tools to build any of that for ourselves yet. This is why I sleep so much, it's the only time my mind doesn't torture me ... but even my sleep is being disrupted with emotional dreams. Maybe you could write a letter to your partner, but if she is unwilling to reflect on her own issues you're stuck. But at least you are OWNING your problems. You don't blame her for all of it and that takes courage
Just to add onto that - how many people do you know who have truly changed their personality? Most people don't even recognise they have any issues they need to change. They blind themselves with ignorance and think being 'good' is all they require. But we want more than that, we want to be better than we are today.
Do you feel she gave up on you? Do you work together with your mate to get better?
wow. well the 2nd part il answer with yeah almost everyone i know have issues but because they do the so called right thing. i.e work all hours god sends and pay bills and live and do the so called normal way of life that they ignore the issues thinking that doing the right thing is all that matters. thats why i dont hardly speak to anyone i know because they all just judge you, like they will say well if i can do it why cant you... ... ... thats my reply to that, and yeah my partner said to me 2 days ago that im crazy and delousinal and that i act crazy and yes 2 days ago i sat for about 2 hours ringing her phone she had about 250 missed calls because she was ignoring me and then she text me and spoke to me, telling me shell call me when she can... still waiting. she isnt perfect herself we both have gone through alot together and since 2 days iv felt so alone because we was fighting all this together and now shes like turned on me now i feel like im not only fighting the situation we are in im also fighting her becuase she lies to me about things. so now im left with questions with no chance of getting any answers and answers i might get chances are will be lies. how the hell do i process this. she is not at fault for the situation shes in but the way she acts towards me and the things she says to me she is in control of that. when she said to me im crazy. i said it back at her , im crazy and she was quick with messages because she knew what she had done by saying that, all that day after i was gone. her saying that word to me, just felt like a knife in the heart. she is the 1 person who iv told everything to and i tell you now 95% is just disgusting and horrible but i told her and she loved me still and wanted to be by my side. so for her to call me crazy just broken my faith in people. totally she was and is the last person on this earth who id thought would use that word on me. i really am at a loss right now like never before she is my rock and now im open to the elements
@Muneca - Yes i feel like she's given up on me and us and everything we ever spoke about. i feel like shes walking/walked away from me without warning
My situation is very complicated. Yes she is in control of her words amd actions and im sorry she wasn't more slow to speak. I am tryin right now to figure out how to properly deal with someone like you. Im am learning alot about the struggle you have and my heart is sad.
Love is the most destructive thing there is known to man. It gives someone else total control over your entire body and mind and at any moment in time they can destroy you. and its like a movie because you can see yourself being destroyed but your powerless to stop it. thats how i feel with that word Love,i personally despise it and have done most of my life
Its what we need and long for. I definitely feel destroyed. Dont know if ill ever be the same after this. :(
i no the feeling my friend
My friend attacked me again over the weekend. I've had to block him from texts as he's so hurtful. I am completely broken. Having that said that, he was bringing me down and I'm already down. We need people who build us up, not destroy us and kick us when we are down. I have enough negativity in my life, I don't need him, his issues and his self-righteousness making me feel worse. Good riddance I say, but it still kills me. I hope it begins to hurt less