I’m 17, I’ve been emotionally abused for over a year by

I’m 17, I’ve been emotionally abused for over a year by mom and her husband. I wholeheartedly believe that her husband is a narcissistic. I and others have called CPS, abuse hotlines, etc. CPS doesn’t help, in fact they actually enable the abuse. My therapist at school keeps telling me that Im clyinging to negative energy, and to just focus on improving myself. She also looks at me nervously when I play with my hands because of my anxiety, like I’m dangerous. If I start crying she acts the same way. She doesn’t believe that I am actually being abused. Every adult I talk to completely dismisses what my mom, and especially her husband have done. Things like cornering me and invading my personal space, staring me down, GASLIGHTING SO MUCH GASLIGHTING, I’ve been locked out of the house once. If I leave my room there’s a chance that when I walk out the door my mom’s husband will rush to me and immediately ask me what I’m doing or say “I thought you were scared of me”. He also calls me crazy, and things like “Princess”, “Babygirl”, and “Sweetheart” to make me feel uncomfortable. So many things have happened, I’ve posted about it in detail on another post. I don’t always tell my story in the most eloquent way, mostly because I start crying after a couple of sentences. All the adults, my school therapist, CPS and the therapist they sent have completely dismissed my experience and I’m struggling because all of the invalidation and saying that “it was just discipline” or “you’re just mentally ill” or etc, is really retraumstizing. I have sonic stuff I need help with, like actually coping with beings till in the situstion, coping with the fact that i will never have justice, coping with the flashbacks, and more. I know I think I posted the same topic, but,
Idk, it’s more fresh, i guess? Idk.

2 Hearts

Sheeesh if I’ve posted about the same thing in this group I’m so sorry. Here’s my recollection below

I don't know what to do.

I'm currently 17, and my mom and her husband are emotionally abusive. The abuse started last year, around February 2021, I was 16 at the time. He wasn't always like this. When he first started dating my mom he was "perfect", in hindsight this was probably just an act. Gradually over time, his behavior started to change. The change happened after we moved into a new house together.

There were some growing pains, as expected but he handled them in a very bad way. One thing he did was blast the tv. I was studying virtually at the time due to Covid. One day, in the morning he blasted the tv. I told him that he wouldn't be blasting the tv if my mom was working. This set him off! He came at me and started screaming at me, and told me to go to my room, even though the class was starting. He kept shouting be a good child and go to your room and that I was being disrespectful and that I had done all these bad things(which either I didn't do or were things misinterpreted, that he blew out of proportion). I went into the basement and locked the door so that he couldn't come in, he was banging kicking, and screaming so hard I thought he would break it off, I finally came up due to all the noise and started screaming at me to never lock the basement door again. I started crying and he looked at me like he was satisfied but also still bad, and then left.

I cut myself for the first time that day, not because of this particular incident, but because of all the gradually things that he'd been doing. He'd call for me when he knew I was in class when I told him that I was in class he looked at me disdainfully, when I ignored him he either yelled at me, or he told my mom and she'd have a talk with her telling me that I wasn't adjusting well to the new house and that I needed to cut my crap out. He liked to walk around with it while playing it loudly. When I asked him to stop he said he felt emasculated and tried to shame me for it, and then told my mom and she asked "did you ask him to turn his radio down?" as if I'd done something wrong. Technically these could simply be called growing pains but something felt off, and I began to feel like I was crazy. When something happened or when her husband started something, he and my mom would change the narrative.

One day I confronted him about his behavior and told him that he'd been damaging my mental health. He laughed and was on the phone at the time(it was an earpiece). He told his friend "see what I have to put up with?" He kept ignoring and dismissing me and said that I was acting crazy and that I wasn't making any sense. I started crying and he started laughing some more. He came up to me and told me to "go show your mother how ridiculous you look". So I did, and when she came down he said that I was starting stuff and said that I did all of this stuff that I didn't do. My mom immediately blamed me for everything. I was shocked and couldn't take it, I grabbed a knife and ran into the bathroom to go cut myself, my mom ran in after me and tried to take it away. I was crying and the bathroom door was closed because my mom's back was against it. Her husband came to the door and started banging on it while saying that I was acting ridiculous and that I was acting out for attention, he kept telling my mom to come out all while again banging on the door. I was trying to kill myself and was escalating the situation.

When my mom and I eventually got out of the bathroom he kept on yelling at me to sit down, no it was more like ordering. Eventually, I sat down while he was standing up and started lecturing me saying that he wasn't going anywhere and that I need stop acting like [I suppressed what he called me]. He then said that he'd dealt with people like me before, people who faked having mental health problems and mental illnesses for attention.

It only got worse after that. He'd invade my personal space, give me the silent treatment, call me names and make me feel uncomfortable. He didn't just yell at me, he'd first come to me when I was alone, calm, then he'd either intimidate me or start verbally attacking me, blaming me for all of his problems, literally searching around the area for things to yell at me for. Whenever my mom and I have a disagreement he waits till she leaves and comes on the attack again, it's not just yelling, he takes every single grievance he can remember and blows them all up in my face.

He'd demean me by calling me a child and saying that he doesn't have to respect me. He tells me to do things "like a good little girl". He's constantly mocking me, taunting me, and provoking me. Whenever I react, he starts recording and starts acting like he's on a phone call telling the other person how I'm such a bad person, that I'm spoiled, that he did all these things for me and that I still act like I brat. I tell my mom and she immediately takes his side. In the beginning, she only saw my reactions, but then she saw his behavior and started backing him up, recording my reactions too. One time I went into my brother's room to hang out with him, we hadn't had done so in a while, I also thought I'd be safe there, I thought he wouldn't attack me in front of an 8-year-old, but I was wrong. He slammed the door open and was yelling for me to get out, he threw my computer charger out of the room, and then he towered over me as I was on my back. I kept scooting back, and then he kept coming closer until my mom came in and she asked what happened. He said that I was disturbing the peace, and she immediately just believed him. He then came so close to my face I could feel the air coming out of his nostrils, he made violent movements towards me, even my mom didn't know what was going to happen, but when nothing did she just laughed it off. They started recording me crying and calling me crazy, he'd make indirect threats as they both demeaned me, I can't hang out with my brother anymore.

He locked me out of the house once, in the cold. I'd gone outside on the porch because he was being insufferable and I needed a break, he then locked the door. I tried to open it to check and then peered through the window. He saw me and then came rushing through the door, I moved back immediately, he started shouting at me, calling me a "little child" and kept screaming for me to come inside as if I was going near him. I asked him if he was locking me out and he said he was, he closed the door, locked it, and then walked away. He didn't lock me out for very long though cause I didn't give him the chance, I went to my neighbor's house to ask for help but they just called my mom to pick me up. She then told me I was staying at my uncle's for 2 days. I went upstairs to pack some stuff and when I came down there he was waiting. He shouted "good riddance" and then followed me all way to the car calling me those names that he knew made me uncomfortable, "princess", "sweetheart", "baby-girl", he chanted that to the car and then he opened the door for me. He told me to "get in the car like a good little girl", and then slammed the door once I got in. He said "love you" in and mocking tone and then left.

I have some video and audio recordings of their behavior, like the gaslighting, locking me out of the house, attacking me in my brother's room. When they found out they became livid. My mom told me over and over again that no one would believe me, that my evidence would never hold up in court, and her husband kept starting stuff to get reactions out of me, and then record them, afterward he'd tell me how crazy, and mentally ill I am and that everyone else thinks I need help, and that he'll pray for me. [A note is that due to how suicidal I'd become from the abuse, I called multiple hotlines and eventually called a local mental hospital TWICE, my mom thwarted me twice but on my third attempt she kind of had no choice and I did go inpatient for about 2 weeks where I did well because I wasn't in an abusive household lol, and given medication for my anxiety but they didn't do anything about the emotional abuse.]

I had depression before my mom’s husband came along
I probably had anxiety as well but I never noticed.
Both became astronomically worse when the emotional abuse started.]

I called CPS multiple times and told my guidance counselor who also called multiple times. Each time they did nothing. I was told that I just didn't like my mom's husband and that I was being vindictive.

As punishment for calling CPS my mom would keep me from going to school (I was back in person at this point), I'd missed so many days. While she kept me there her husband made sure I suffered. I have misophonia, he very well knows this. I have my own bathroom and it shares a wall with his. He turns his radio all the way up so that even if I turned my tv up to 100 I'd still hear it. That drove me insane. I'm serious, I had multiple panic attacks on those days[I hate breaks from school].

So much more has happened but it's kind of most of the same things I've already shared so I'll try not to repeat myself even more. My friends, guidance counselor, and school therapist have been very supportive and helpful. However, no one in power will do anything. I have somewhere to go once I turn 18. I was thinking about taking legal action but I don't know.

Also I'm struggling with flashbacks, increased anxiety, and depression. Even when I try to chill and watch a movie or a show if a character says something like "baby girl" or "sweetheart" I start crying and it becomes hard to breathe. I'm always on 'red alert", not just even in my house anymore but at school, at social events. It's like my body got switched to tense mode and now I can't turn it off. I'm always incredibly tense and I can't undo it if that makes sense.

I don’t know what to do at this point.

1 Heart

@Purplegreenpink. Wow. That is a lot to deal with. Where is your dad? Do you have any other family? Anyway you could live with your Dad or other family members till you turn 18? Maybe your little brother could come with you?
It would help to work thru your situation as to this part first, ok?

Here’s the more in depth story on my beginning interactions with CPS

Trigger Warning !!!!!!!!!!! Mention of Suicide !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling trapped. I and others have called CPS about the emotional abuse from my mom and her husband multiple times. CPS outsources my case to another agency every time. I see the therapist they send once or twice a week. She treats me as though I'm the problem and dismisses everything I've told her about what my mom and her husband has done, and what they continue to do. Sometimes my mom has to join and she has a field day with it because she gets to act as immature as she wants, and gaslights me all she wants and if I try to defend myself the therapist tells me "this is why YOU are here. If I refuse these sessions I've been told "it will not look good for me" meaning it will just strengthen the narrative built about me, that I'm a spoiled child who's resentful that her mom got remarried, that "doesn't want her mom to be happy", is vindictive and calls CPS and has other people call CPS to get my mom and her husband in trouble. I am trapped, she isn't my first CPS therapist, and they all treat me and my situation the same. I tell them what my mo and her husband have been doing to me and they all dismiss me and dismiss the situation as being a "familial dispute", CPS keeps trying to shove family therapy down my throat which I will not do because everytime it ends so badly for me.

I was made to have a mediation after the first CPS call, with a social worker, my mom, her husband then fiance, and my aunt (who my mom invited) . My mom and her husband spent the whole time interrupting me and gaslighting me, more so her husband. He unmuted himself when I was speaking by saying "liar", "ha", and then left after saying "I don't need to hear this". Then when he comes back he takes the computer away from my mom and just stares at it, I back away from the screen, and he says "look me in the eyes where you're telling lies about me, you fibber". I start crying and the social worker asks me why am I crying, I try to explain myself but I couldn't get out coherent sentences at that point.

The social worker asked everyone what has been happening and to speak of the incidents that led to the call. He basically just listed his grievances with me like I asked him to turn the tv down all the time, or how he once heard a conversation between me and my mom on the phone [I know exactly the conversation he was talking about. I don’t remember exactly what happened but me and my grandma, who had issues caused by old age, had an incident when my mom wasn’t home. I think she locked me out of the house again.I called her, distraught and wanting to kill myself afterwards.

He said “I think I need to explain myself. My opinion of it is, [my name] is the person that's controlling, she's a bully. And what she was getting from her mother was tossing her mother around, disrespectfully. And when I heard in the phone, my first conversation we did in September, so let's say August, September, October, was, it breaks my heart to hear you speak to your grandmother the way you do, because she used language, and cursing on her on Commission's phone, and her heart. So that's the one conversation habitated. Ever since that happened on because I backed up the grandmother. relationship with her, pretty much ended because I know I can talk to her.” When he said he “backed up my grandma” what he really did was, when we had an argument and my grandma, who didn’t understand what was going on, would involve herself. And he would use it as fuel saying “THANK YOU, you see, you don’t make any sense, even your own grandma who is mentally ill can see that you’re not making any sense”.

Context: My grandmother had alzheimer's and/ or dementia[it was a lot], and other issues caused by old age, which caused discord to say the least. She’d lock me out of the house A LOT, or mess with my little brother and I’d have to intervene, she did many other things but that’s not the point. My mom never really handled situations, she just de-escalated them but never tried to solve the problem, my grandma needed extra help which she wasn’t getting and it affected everybody. I get that it’s hard to take care of ill parents but it was hard on me as well, I was dealing with it from age 9, my grandma’s conditions started to get really bad around middle school, and it was taking a toll on me, it did a lot of damage to my mental health, it took a toll on my brother too, and my mom saw it, but she allowed the same incidents to happen over and over and over again, and didn’t do anything different.

By “taking her side” what he really did was use her conditions to shame me for being frustrated, or mad, or annoyed, he would use what she said when she wasn’t fully there to hurt me. When we moved into the new house she kept opening my door and she would force her way in if I locked my door with my very bad lock. One time she forced her way in while I was naked, I was shocked and I screamed. My mom came and de-escalated the situation and took my grandma back to her room. When she was gone however, he took the moment to rush towards me. He yelled while banging on my door “you don’t scream in this house” I told him what happened my mom told him what happened but he wouldn’t let up, he kept saying “she’s a person, she’s a person” over and over again, and kept saying that she was mentally -ill over and over again. He then went to his usually verbal attacks, and he wouldn’t stop banging on my door. I remember saying “you can’t do this” and he said, “watch me”. So yeah in a nutshell, he basically used the tension I had with my grandma and her diseases as a means to I don’t even know why he did what he did but it wasn’t right.

While I was telling my side of the story, I didn’t really catch him in a lie, but after the social worker asked me clarifying questions and I answered them, he took the computer from my mom again and he stared at the camera, he said “When you can show your face [my name]?. [He brought the camera to his mouth and smacked his lips and then brought the camera back to his eye level] “You need to look me in the eye when you say these things. You say he's like, please don't. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Hardly ever had a conversation. ever will?”

Then he said “This is what I know already is if I show my face to or passive in the hallway. It cost initial money. She's She's on the phone with. With a therapist. One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning. These are the things that she does. And then she had this thing that she was saying to her mom that he does it again. When I'm asking what should I do? And she can’t explain it. I walk downstairs because I'm exercising. I have a fractured femur. I have a replacement I knew on my right side. Perhaps the facilities is that took away my left shoulder and my right. So working for me is exercise I need because we're going to therapy, it hurts and I damage myself and I tore things in my body. So I'm used to staying still but this still for five years. And [my name] can’t look me in the eye because everything that [my name] sings made up. She's finally the excuse she's researching things. And then she's researching how she could get new arrested statuses. She's not safe playing to her what Safe is because if I stayed in my bedroom, and she said to me to turn on my radio, she comes to my bedroom. When we're doing construction with ***, having another TV instrument told me to turn down my Christian music. My Christian studies of Bible study, I walked through the house in my pocket with the news upon this young lady's telling me to Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, boo, boo boo, I ignores things like that. So we have two, three incidents before I talked to, to [my mom] conditionals, [my name] making these things.

The therapist then clarifies “so [my mom’s husband then fiance] you don’t feel safe in the house with [insert my name]. And he basically says yes.
He then says “Those types of things because you shouldn't have to take something and hand it to them. Because I didn't turn. At the end result, she wanted to take the remote and do something. She always says, Mom, do something wrong. Do something, do something now, do something now mom, and then say she's not a good mother and demean her mom all the time. And I'll stay quiet. Because she don't want me to come in because it isn't healthy for her initial notice from long time before I met her again in August, and then met her kids in the middle of September, six weeks later. So it was like almost two months later before I was introduced to the kids and brought to the house. And we kicked it off the first month. Yes, that's September to October now engage. And everybody saw, the kids saw the smile in their mother's face and everything. The whole world saw [my mom’s name] changed.”

After he says this, the social worker asked me “So do you not want your mom to be married or being happy?” I said “I had no issue with her remarrying. My only issue is that the person that she's marrying, made the continuous choice to emotionally abuse me for months. And that is my only issue. And yeah, I mean, like, I'm like, it's like, of course, I don't want my mom to marry somebody who hurt me. But in the sense I don't want my mom remarried at all to find happiness. That is the furthest thing from my mind. at all, like that day where I took a knife because I wanted to hurt myself and stuff. He shot he liked, like told me I'm not going anywhere and stuff. And that was the furthest thing from my mind. I just want him to stop hurting me. That's all I ever wanted. Well, now I don't want her to marry him because I don't want him around me or my life. Because they you know, it's like, like, Who wants their abuser around, but like that in the sense that I don't want my mom to be happy that's not true at all.”

While I was speaking, my mom’s husband then fiance, un muted himself and was making all these side comments and laughing at me. The social worker didn’t do anything about it, but she did ask me over and over again why I didn’t want my mom to be happy or get re married.
Then he kept on saying how insistent I was to move to the new house, that I kept pushing for the move and that I showed them listings off of zillow and stuff. He said “Men are gonna wonder why you don't want your mother to be happy. You don't see the gift that we gave you. We bought this house. Why are you since you sent us this picture? Have you been happy when you heard the news of the house?”

I kept on saying “why does this matter, what does that have to do with what you’ve been doing to me?”. I pleaded with the social worker to make him stop but she kept either dismissing me or kept saying that I can’t control other people’s actions.

So yeah, after that I was like nope, family therapy ain't happening cause it would just be open season for more of what happened. It’s just hard, cause all this ****’s been happening to me and when I tried to get help, I was called a liar, and honestly, how the situation was always handled just enabled more and more of the emotional abuse at home, and now I have to sit down with people that tell me over and over again that I probably deserved the “discipline” and it’s low-key breaking me and I fell so trapped and I just need some advice on dealing with this

@Purplegreenpink. You have to get space in the home. You have to get a therapist for yourself so you can have some support
Can you do that? How can you do that?

Keep your head up young lady. Have you tried more spiritual remedies? Such as meditation, journaling, manifestations etc…it helped me tremendously

1 Heart

I’m working on losing weight cause stress + medication + poor eating habits + more stress = me being obese at around 193 pounds at 5’6. I’ve started tracking my rood and my goal is to be at at least 188 by the end of February. In my head, my final goal is to reach 130-140 pounds.

I can’t, I really can’t. I’m tired of being blamed for an over 50 year old man’s reactions. And I’m tired of being treated like I’m crazy. So a little but ago, my mom put me in a hotel, I’ve been staying in hotels since like December. I can’t, my mom keeps saying that I’m costing her money and that she won’t get a job because all the ones available are beneath her even she’s the one who essentially kicked me out of the house. I’m not complaining, and I haven’t told anyone because I’m still a minor and I don’t know if this is legal. But I’d rather take my chances with strangers than with creep misogynistic, manipulative, inappropriate, narcissistic old man, and all the enablers 24/7. I’m just struggling with a lot mentally. Like I’m doing much better now that I’m out of the house, but it’s my mom telling me that I have to stay home once in a while because “I have a home and it’s safe”. She says that repetitively even though if that were true, I wouldn’t be in a hotel room alone right now. I want justice that I’ll never get so badly. Like I think about suing my mom and her husband all the time. I don’t have that much evidence, it’s more him yelling at me, calling me names, or acting inappropriate than showing him being manipulative, except for that first mediation which was ridiculous. When I went posted the transcript I was still shocked that the agent let him act such a fool. I don’t know what this is, an update, a rant?

I hate how my whole family gets to get away with enabling that abusive a hole. I just can’t believe that they’re either that ignorant and/ or stuck in their ways to be decent human beings. I got rejected from two schools I really want to go to, and my mom is really invasive when it comes to college. I hope I have a way to stop her from coming to my graduation. She reallly wants me to go to penn state. She loves the privilege of bragging about me and treating me/ allowing her man to treat me like dog **** behind closed glass doors. I emailed the school about the situation, and they’re not going to give her anymore information. I really hope I get into this one school, it’s far and good at engineering. I think this was a sleep deprived incoherent rant.

@Purplegreenpink. Hmmm how did the hotel come about? Would mom let you stay with your friend and family? It’s very hard to deal with what you have been going thru as to your family…. Hope you can talk with your therapist about more coping strategies. Good to rant and get feelings out here. Remember…you can’t change him or them—-you can only control or change yourself Try to focus on college as that will be good for your future; even if your mom can view your courses or grades there wouldn’t be anything she could do about it. Is it possible she just loves your and is interested and trying to be supportive and part of your life? Sometimes teens and young adults scream to be left alone as part of the growing up process but it doesn’t mean that parents don’t care….
We are all here for u. You got this