I maybe over thinking this but I think i may, be in an abusi

I maybe over thinking this but I think i may, be in an abusive relashionship with my boyfriend. He dosen't hit me or hurt me. But I never get kissed or huged. He never asked me how my day ways or say I love you. He never tells me to have a good day or says he misses me during the day. But when we are together he always asks me to rub his back and its not like 5 10 minutes. its like for hoursssss on end. He askes me to do everything even when I'm ready for bed snuggled in with the blankets on me. I don't mind doing things for him its not that but he could have walked the 5 feet insead he asks me and maybe its just because he knows I wont say no. But last night he went out and came home and woke me up. (thats fine i was happy to see him) but he than asked me to go to the store for him.. Really? Like you couldnt have done that before you came home?? So i was just wondering if its me being pariond or stressing over nothing or if someone on the outside lookin in thinks maybe this is a red flag.

Hmmm. There are many flavors of "abusive". Maybe so many that it isn't the right label. I might say that your bf is a selfish, takes - but - doesn't - give *****le. But I wouldn't say abusive. To call him abusive would be vague, when more specific pathologies are so apparent. Have I answered your question?

yes and no. But thank you..

what are the red flags that ive missed

He sounds emotionally neglectful. And physically (backrubs and sleep depriving) selfish. Nothing subtle about that. Those are more than Red flags. Is there some special reason you stay (kids, marriage, etc)?

I love him. and well we lost a baby around 3 months. that was a year and a half ago. But hes my best friend, and I do really love him. and he used to be amazing when we 1st started dating almost 3 years ago but just one day he stoped

Have you had an opportunity to mention the concerns you have with your partner? Would he be receptive to looking at your perspective on the in equality you are seeing. The conversation may be enlightening.......

ive tryed to tell him how i feel mutiple times, but he just ignores me and i guess i could just walk up to him and hug him and kiss him but im so afraid of being pushed away. the last relasionship i was in was very abusive and i was always being pushed off or yelled at for tryin to show affection. so iim just so scared that the same thing will happpen again

I can appreciate fear, I was and am married to a great man who like me is flawed and scarred by life but a year ago I left and we separated for the second time - I was terrified our relationship worked and functioned he was controlling and I didn't want to make decisions, he was wrapped up in work and isolation worked for me....and then it didn't work anymore. Separated we have been more honest, worked harder and have a better relationship than we did for many years. We seem to have stopped some of the dysfunctional roles we had been using. In my case I guess speaking up worked but there is something o be said for the timing of when we are each ready to make any changes for over 20 years I wasn't ready. I started with calling a abuse shelter and asking is this abuse.....

1 Heart

How are you doing?

hi im doing okay. my boyfriend has been being nicer. hes still not kissing me or hugging me but he has been nicer with his words and is showing that he dose care. I still get stuck in moments where i think i'm in my marriage again, where i was miserable and this was part of why my ex wife and i broke up. but he is way different than she is. and I know that so i have to stop comparing them. Thank you for asking. How are you doing?

Good today thanks, had a great walk with my incorrigible dog...it was a really nice night about thirty degrees. We have great spots to walk here in Niagara if you avoid the touristy areas you can walk for hours by the river. I'm really gad you had a better night.