I found some disturbing pictures and texts in my husbands phone from another women. I lied about viewing them and deleting the messages. It hurt to see that. Now he wants a divorce cause I lied about it. Now he say, "I can't trust you!" WOW! We currently live together and I sleep seperately. I don't know what to do! Any advice. This has been going on for 2 days now. FYI: There has been trust issues in the past.
Welcome to SupportGroups.com, sounds like you've dodged a bullet, would be wise to prepare yourself to take care of YOU, deception has NO place in a relationship & you really dont want to live your life watching your backside that will be exhausting to say the least. Hes got a pattern & RED FLAGS are marking the whole way please follow your gut instincts.
All my strengths.
April
first off, he shouldn't have anything on his phone that you cannot see - it is all about trust & honesty.
secondly - you shouldn't feel you have to constantly check up on him. if you do, you don't trust him...
for him to threaten divorce over this..is juvenile...you both need time to cool down and deal with the real issues at hand and find out what got you to this point in the first place.
Hang in there hun.
You need to take care of you. For him to want to divorce you after he was the one that was obviously being deceitful just shows what kind of man he has become. I know it's hard, but you need to part ways with him.
He sounds very manipulative. It is NOT your fault that you found those pictures...Don't let him put the blame on you! He is the one that can not be trusted...not you.
Be strong and just let him go. Don't hang on to someone like that...it will just be a rollercoaster ride for your emotions. Trust is everything in a relationship and don't settle for less than what you deserve.
Much love
Julie
sounds like he is putting the blame on you for what he is doing.Do not feel in anyway it is your fault.
Trust is the biggest part of a relationship
Cover yourself .Maybe ask him to go to a counciler together
Zimmy
Stay focused on you and most of all take the time to be still..Listen to you self and be honest to yourself..Don't let another guide you away from the truth with manipulation and their truth filled of lies..See the truth as it is and you will have the best results in finding middle ground and a resolution to this issue in the near future..God luck and remember to stay true to you!!
Thats just crap for sure. To want a divorce just cause you say the texts and pics and deleted them then lied about it, Thats bullshit cause he shouldnt of had them on there to begin with. My ex tried pulling crap like that on me, and i was like 'no way in hell are you blaming me for this, you shouldn't of had them on your phone' except i wouldnt of lied about it, i would of deleted them, then told him next time he was looking through his phone. too f-ing bad if he got mad, shouldnt be there to begin with. but i would most certinally get out now, cause he is probably already cheating on you. Do you really want to worry about what you might be getting or if he is bringing anyone to your house to screw them. Just cut the ties, as painful as it may be, and start to heal and move on. It'll end up happening anyways, you might as well be the one to start it. Dont be like me and wait for the girl to show up at your house and say shes pregnant by your husband. Its just not worth it.
Best of luck & keep your head up.
Sounds like he is placing the blame on you instead of taking responsibility for having naked pictures of woman on his phone. Wouldn't he have freaked out if he found naked men or dirty texts on your phone. I think counseling would be good to try but in this case you had every right to snoop because he was doing something wrong! Also, you lied to avoid a confrontation but he should be the one apologizing to you not asking for a divorce. Best of luck and I hope you can work things out with your husband.
Get out now. He will just get more secretive and controling. You can try joint couseling however if a man cheats (emotionally or sexually) he will usually cheat again. He loves the thrill of the hunt. He needs that high. You will never be enough for him. I am sorry to be negative however, I've been there. I caught my husband cheating once and it took me a year and a half to catch him again with the same woman. I agree Take care of you. Safe guard your money and be proactive in your separation/ divorce and healing. Don't believe him. Make him earn your trust. He must be transparent until.
Blaming the victim is a classic tactic of perpetrators. You asked for it, you deserved it, that's what you get for not trusting me. Now I'm going to have to punish you for being a bad wife. And then if you have low self-esteem you accept the blame and beg him to forgive you for your flaw. He knows the game, and so do you. I do not think this has to be the end of your marriage. Demand counseling and if he refuses, you will know that he is more interested in destructive behavior than in saving his marriage. And you will have your answer.....
On a side note: I am really sick of hearing about men who use technology to cheat, look at porn, sext, etc. I am convinced that the tools of technology are a curse to those of use who are married to weak men. My heart broke for Anthony Weiner's wife. She is one of probably millions whose husbands just haven't been caught yet.
1 Heart
Soft EXACTLY & too w/Weiner i wasnt surprised as its throughout history.
:(
April