I miss my friend, but I'm not so sure I should contact him ever again. I got mixed feelings about our friendship. I'm not so sure we're on the same page for starters. I've known him since December 2021 when we started working and living on the same cruise ship. We started working out together, then having meals always together, share thoughts, talk about our lives, tell stories, give each other advise. We were like a couple. People used to think we were dating. But We don't love each other romantically. He is not my type and I am not his. I have abandonment issues, so I thought that being so close would trigger some fear of abandonment anxiety. Too late already. I used to feel uneasy with him, so I got clingy. I spoke to him on multiple occasions, asking if I wasn't going too far and he always said that my behavior never bothered him and he would be really honest if it ever did. I would have trusted him if he were not so fake. Yes, fake, for lack of a better word. He used to say horrible things about other people obviously when they were not around, then treat them as his best friends, hang out with them and pretend to even admire them. His attitude made me feel that he was just stringing me along, and that I was in a one-sided friendship. I used to call him out for all I am mentioning in my post. He would always say that our feelings for one another was mutual and that he empathized with my abandonment issues. While onboard the ship, he used to get in touch more than I did. He would not ghost me the way he would with lots of ex-girlfriends, because he knew I would freak out, find him and who knows. I don't think he used to respect my abandonment anxiety because he cared. I believe it was more so to avoid exposure on the ship. He knew that when triggered, I would start calling people aboard, looking for him. So I don't think he cared. Not after he told me what he did to his ex-girlfriends. He used to hide from them when they found out he dated more than one at once then discarded the least convenient one. Knowing these things would only make me trust him less. Now I am home. I've left the ship for my well-deserved vacation on May 15th. I haven't heard from him ever since. I am hesitant to message him and be ignored. That will freak me out. I don't want to go through another abandonment crisis. I am happy with my partner. Abandonment anxiety is too much to bear. I don't think he cares that I haven't written him anyway. He would have asked how I was doing at some point if I meant something to him. I think it is time to let go of this friendship and invest in myself, enjoy my life and get him out of my head. Should I get in touch? I am afraid that we will end up on the same ship again in the future. He is not inclined to return to the sea once he disembarks this month. I am praying that he finds a great job on land so that I don't have to go through this again. I think of him a lot and my gut is telling me that he coulndn't care less. Am I right? Should I never get in touch with him ever again especially now that he never texted ever since I left? He is doing alright. Another friend told me he is okay.
My best guess is that if he admits to playing women that he sees romantically then it wouldn't be far fetched to assume he probably would be that way with anyone. I know it would be nice to think he wouldn't do it with a real friend but he still hasn't called you yet either. It's probably a bad habit he has so for that reason alone it's probably best for anyone with abandonment issues to not be friends with him because he's too high risk. If you make the choice now that its better that you distance yourself from him then you are in control and won't have expectations of him and if you don't expect anything then you can't get let down.
He's probably a good person basically but just not good friend material for you. Just like not everyone is our type to date and there's nothing wrong with that. He could be a friendly acquaintance if you ever seen him again on a ship or friendly coworker just not a personal friend. You could say hello how have you been but keep walking keep your distance.
@Fohb460 I had a dream a couple of weeks ago, which felt like if I were reading his mind. In this dream, we were having a conversation I know we would unlikely ever have in real life, where he was really honest about our friendship. He said that he wanted to distance himself from me because he was sick and tired of this ‘call me all the time’ dynamic, that he played me like a grand piano because he felt sorry for me. He apologized and left. That seemed so real and it explained why he never texted me again at least saying hi since I disembarked. That gave me motivation to move on and seek support.