I will do that. Thank you very much for your advice.
heartbreaking
what was the MeToo movement like in the Barbados ? maybe there is assistance for incest victims, thats where you need to contact people, in sexual abuse groups
this should not be happening in a christian culture… Mormons and Jehovahs Witnesses are usually really good at offering housing or some kind of support… maybe there is housing, thru the religions, for your situation, child abuse, incest, and lupus. someone MUST help you get out of this situation. maybe you should go in to some different churches and ask if one of the members is a doctor or law enforcement, and see if they can come thru for you
do they have restraining orders in Barbados ? i dont know how that would work against someone in your own house… and i dont know what the rules are for him being allowed to simply move you out of the house and prohibit you from returning? if you find another place to stay, youll need to have someone with you when you move out, or youll have to sneak things out gradually.
you have to start recording these things that happen. even if you win a temporary restraining order, without evidence he likely wont be charged criminally without evidence
I wrote down the times this happened between my dad and I and I also told someone I trust about what happened. Sadly he does not live here (long distance).
Yes they do have restraining orders in Barbados I will have to do research on how to get one againat my dad.
I dont think there was a Me Too Movement here not that I know of usually things like this are swrpt under the rug and ignored, people usually victim blame if someone speaks out about family issues or abuse.
I have seen when I was in the hospital (as I mentioned above) a woman get turned away for social services even though her mom was abusive and put back in the toxic environment. People suffer in silence here and try to make ends meet with the high cost of living.
You are right I do need someone to help me to move things out. I was not thinking about that at all. I do not have any friends since I stopped talking to many of them during the pandemic. And I lost their numbers. I was going through alot and I distanced myself from a lot of people since I felt very alone.
The first thing I will do is talk to my psycyatrist and ask her if she can recommend a social worker I can talk to first and go from there and ask around churches as you suggested as another option.
I will have to do research on if there are groups that help with people that go through sexual abuse and I am open to going to a support group for lupus to help me to cope. I feel uneasy talking to someone about my problems and opening up because I do not want to be ignored or my problem brushed off like before but I have to do this.
Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate it.
1 Heart
Update:
I did research there are no support groups for people that are going through sexual abuse in my country. I did research for groups/ people that help for sexual abuse, and I see a telephone number and a shelter for women that go through domestic violence along with another hotline for domestic violence and a mental health helpline.
This is the link that I found.
1 Heart
Walking around naked isnt normal. And you should absolutely be mad at that social worker for failing at their job. I think if you can speak to other people, you should. Dont stop asking for help until someone helps you and actually cares to help you feel safe. And your dad is creepy. What he is doing is not ok or normal.
1 Heart
I will continue to ask for help. I realised it is not normal and how I feel is right. Thank you for the encouragement
2 Hearts
Yeah, I think he’s crossing a boundary. If he’s able to do that, and even had you on his lap I think it’s time you absolutely avoid being around him in any situation alone, and make sure you have a lock on your door at night, and if you dont have a lock, put like LOUD bells on the door knob or something else to alert you. If you need to, even block the door. Keep yourself safe.
Thank you for the advice. I will start doing that.
Has the situation changed after your first post? Nice hobbies, what do you like to read? What was the last thing you read?
No the situation has not changed. I went out for ice cream and it was awful, dad was miserable for the whole day and the day before he was making fun of my hair, he also suggested I cut it off (I am growing out my natural hair and it is an afro), he was laughing when I styled my hair. He also asked me why I have so many scars on my body whuch are mosquito bites. He is always making fun of my apperance. Before he told me to relax/ straighten my hair and stop struggling with my hair in a demeening tone when I was combing my hair in fromt of my parents.
I dont let it get to me because I love my hair and it took me years to accept it and take care of it so I know he says those things to bring me down.
My apointment is later this month but I wrote down my flashbacks and what was going on at home on paper.
I usually read my Bible, mysery stories, visual novels or interactive stories on Episode Interactive. The last book I read was on Episode it is called Veiled Vengemce, its a murder mystery set in Victorian times. The directing is very impressive and I like how the aurtor uses filters to create a scenes apmosphere (lighting in a room)
I cope also by journaling about my feelingsand writting down my goals.
I mostly try to stay out of their way but I finally accepted how they treat me is not right and I deserve to be happy. It was difficult for me to process but now I fully get it and I want to change my situation.
1 Heart
Im sorry the situation hasnt changed and im glad you embrace your hair, i haven’t accepted how mine is in many years (it was very straight and then it became wavy and i struggle with styling it), what are the goals, if you dont mind me asking, i tend to be curious and i can be invasive to some people, i hope it gets better and let us know how the appointment goes
Embrace your hair! I am also trying to accept my curls, my grandfather, who I love and who loved me used to say I should straighten my witch hair, at the time I didn’t think anything of it, because well, everyone straightened their hair, but now, it is all about accepting and loving your curls and I do. But lord above, sometimes loving my hair is hard. Its a journey! Hugs!
1 Heart
Me too! Those curl videos look like voodoo, like add 50 products to your hair, brush it like this, scrunch with this, plop with this, diffuse, break up the cast. Like you lost me at step 2!
Hey I apologize for not replying to your message, Support Groups did not notify me about these comments.
An update I went to the psycyatrist and she actually heard me, for the first time someone understood and she was annoyed because it is clear my parents neglected me and when ahe said it , it felt like my whole world shattered. I realized they did not do anything to support me emotionally or in some cases financially. I was brainwashed for so long I let down so many oppertunities to make them happy and at that moment of telling her the truth I realised how traumatized I was and they will never give me the love I received. I also confessed that I feel guilty for leaving them and I overthink about what they would say and the psycyatrist told me to not care about that. I left feeling empowered and for the first time seen by someone. At first it was hard to confide due to feeling ashamed but when I told her more about what was going on, I started to relax and feel less afraid.
In my spare time I make myself busy and I ignore them in the house.
I write in my journal about what I want to do when I leave as a way to look forward to my future. I feel excited for the first time in my life.
I do not need to revolve my life or feelings around them and I am praticing detaching emotionally. The flashbacks stopped being intense like before but if I do remember something I accepted it instead of blocking it out. (When I spoke to the psycyatrist more repressed memories came up and I wrote it down)
In comparisson to when I first made this post I accepted everything that happened to me. I feel accepting of others help and I do not feel that intense shame to talk about my issues. Posting on here helped me to see that there are people who want to help genuinely.
Sometimes I do feel myself trying to coax myself back into staying but I snap myself out of it because I tell myself NOW it is time to leave them for goodand to stop feeling guilty. Watching youtube videos on how people went no contwct with their parrents is really helping me to continue moving forward with my descision.
Health wise I am still not feeling well I ate alfredo which contained garlic and I started flaring up again and my new meds made me have insomnia. I made a mental note to never eat anything with garlic again. My mom swears it is not that that caused my flare up and wants me to keep eating food that will harm me. I am tired of trying to tell her I need to be careful since I have lupus but I understand she is the type of person to deny your reality when it does not suit her. Its not my problem so I will avoid garlic from now on.
Context: garlic boosts immunity which is bad for lupus because more immunity= immune system attacks the body more
She recommended I start job hunting and I am doing research.
Apologies for the late reply,
Thank you for the encouragement and I am glad I did too. I love my afro and after years of hatred from other people about my hair and the reasoning that straighter hair= prettier I gave into relaxing my hair twice ( 14 and 17) and my hair was texturized (16-17) and my hair looked a mess. The hairdresser cut my hair after I chopped off my straight hair and my natural hair was beautiful but the hairdresser probably thought it was more coily and suggested a texturizer.
I was a people pleaser back then I allowed her to put chemicals in my hair again because I was afraid of saying no.
I remembered when I first went back to my afro at 19 I felt happy but I watched so many videos of other black women bashing their hair and complicared routines that I was afraid of my hair and hated my hair.
I would constantly cut it and try to make it curly so people would accept me and my hair.
I remember an ex male friend told me 'my hair was nappy. felt horrified at what he said because he said it to make me feel bad, compared to when I had straight hair when everyone fawned over me, no one looked my way when I had short natural hair, at school there was only one guy gave me a compliment. I felt really ugly back then when I first went natural and after 2 years of trying to save my hair (I locced my hair at one point for a year and 5 months to reduce breakage but I undid them because I missed my afro ) I decided to find a way to stop running away from my afro.
I got out of that toxic school environment (2018-2019) as well as I stopped watching youtubers that do not love their afro and I stopped wearing braids , weaves and wigs in 2020. I decided I was going to learn to love my hair and I invested in my hair for 2 years 2022-2023 and now I have a more positive view on my hair and I accept ny afro for what it is now.
I grew it out this year ( I found a solution to the hairloss I was experiencing due to anorexia and later lupus) and whenever I comb or style my hair I feel proud because I realize how beautiful my hair actually is in its unmanipulated state.
I spent years hating my hair due to people projecting their insecurities and fears and I internalized it so now in my journey I realised how people see themselves and my hair is not my reality. God made my hair like this and there is nothing wrong with it.
Peoplrle have made weird comments about my hair because it is not like other black peoples texture and an older lady said I had good hair because one of my ancestors was white and I felt very uncomfortable.
I got harassed on the street for my hair a man wanted to rip off my hair and other guys said my hair was too much when I simply walked by on the street.
Some women asked if my afro is a wig or imply it is when it is mine, I shrug off those comments now.
I ignore my dads comments because I love my hair and myself, I no longer feel insecure and I stopped caring about what my dad think about my hair, I know it is rooted in self hate and insecurity.
My goals for my hair is:
Retaining Moisture
Have a balance of moisture- protein in my haircare routine
My hair persosity is high so my hair dries out easily and soaks up product.
I want to find a way to keep moisture in my hair for long periods of time as well as strengthen the protein strands in my hair so I plan on incorperating monthly protein treatments for ny hair.
I just want my hair to be healthly. I ahave a solid routine for my hair and I realized having healthy hair is what I want. When my hair was damaged and I did not take care of my hair I chased length and hid behind weaves, wigs and braids and neglected my hair. Now in my hair journey I want my hair to be healthly especially with my health conditions.
I am so proud of you, our hair is our own and we should be able to play with it or do it as we want! No one else should have a say!
1 Heart
I agree with you on that.
Thank you for listening about my hair journey.
My pleasure, hope your day is going well friend.