At eight years old I was diaginosed with EDNOS. My parents let us eat anything we wanted, and if we wanted to spend the whole day watching tv, that was fine. I found myself at 8 years old weighing 180 pounds. I didn't care. What was weight anyways? Just a number. Kids never made fun of me for being overweight, nor did I even know I was overweight. Well, at 9 years old I learned what being overweight was. My father reminded me everyday that I was the definition of overweight. I felt so unloved. I thought he was mean to me because I was overweight. I thought if I could lose weight, he'd love me again. So I began to starve myself. I went from 180 to 114 in 6 months. It didn't help. I wasn't thin enough for him. He continued to call me fat, so I got down to 98 pounds, still no love. My mother divorced my father shortly before I turned 10 years old. My mother threaten to put me in an eating disorder clinic, and I began purging to maintain my weight. I couldn't give up my quest to have my father love me. I developed bulimia. I was diaginosed with bulimia in 1999 at the age of 11. I struggled with bulimia all throughout middle school and high school, and by the time I realized my weight didn't determine my father's love, it was too late. Well, I went into recovery in 2007 and i've been recovered up until a month ago. I am expierencing my first relapse and it's scary. I fought 8 awful years trying to climb out of the black hole that sucked me in daily, and now I feel it's pull and it's so devestating. I want to get back into a treatment program or see a therapist, but I have no insurance so I have no way about doing that, and it's so heart breaking and discouraging, and I feel so hopeless. What am I suppose to do. I barely made it to recovery with insurance and a treatment program let alone trying to fight this by myself with no insurance. I just don't know what to do.........
Hi there, I'm not sure where you are from so can't offer specific advice about having vs not having insurence but I know where I'm from, support groups for eating disorders are free to attend. Its a start until a solution can be found? Google your city and ed suppprt groups and see what pops up.
Best of luck and comming here and sharing was a good first step :)
welcome!!! to support groups!!!
im so sorry your parent made you feel unloved becasue of your weight, im sooo sorry... you are not a number and if someone cant love you cause of who you are --then they dont deserve YOUR love. you are who you are and not your weight. im sorry that your father did this to you--to me it seems kinda abusive.. like he should have taught you how to love yourself and stand up for YOU.
i also dont have much insurance or money but am getting help from therapy...she takes what is called sliding scales.
it is where they discount the price of therapy based on your income... mine is more than half off. if you search hard, you will find good therapists that take sliding scales. it really does work and help..
about insurance--can you get it again???
about treatment centers---gosh i wish i knew more on how they work ---but how much are they and is there any way you can get a loan ??? is there anyway you can pay it at all??? or is there any way you can get some isurance???
a good friend of mine told me : health before money. and i was like --wow i never thought of that before... to value your health first and money second, cause if you have no health--what good is money? money you can always make in the future but if you have no health( and EDs can be fatal or harmful to you) you cannot go back and get your health if something ends chronic...
so i go by her motto and went to therapy even though it is killing me financially! it is worth it--above clothes, or other things i might want to buy....
love
maureen
Thank you Maureen, and thank you Lilac. I've never heard of the sliding scale. I think I will check into that. I am appealing the the insurance company. They dropped me a year ago from their insurance, but i wasn't too freak out by it. Now that I'm expierencing my first relaspe, it is a bit scary. Thank you for you guy's advise. I really appreciate it. Thank you.
xoxo- Jess
Hope everything works out Jess, keep us posted :)
I most certainly will. : D
i hope you fight the insurance company!!!! oo they make me mad--like they dont get EDs at all!!! fight them!
yes check into sliding scales and also---compare prices withtherapists..some are cheaper than others with sliding scales...mine is waaaaaay cheaper than one offer i got from another therapist with a sliding scale...the better therapist they are--the more likely they are to help you financially too. like with mine--i can SKIP a week of payment and pay her next week! yeah, thats coool! ha...so keep looking
your welcome,
love
maureen