I am having a hard time typing this because I have lived with this guilt and shame for 3 years now. Wow, I can't believe it's been that long... I was watching an Intervention show online and the topic of the episode was bulimia. I quickly changed the episode but a couple of days later I mustered the courage to watch it. She seemed normal and stable like how I am. Obviously I am not as stable as I allow others to see me as. I get told everyday how strong I am and that I have the courage and confidence that they envy. Right...
I thought that I could control it because I love food but have been weight obsessed my whole life. Food makes me happy. I am 31 years old and have a beautiful 5 year old son that I love and adore. He is my everything in this world. He deserves me to treat myself better. I thought that I could stop but now question if I can. My family and boyfriend have both asked me questions and I lied. I think they knew something was up but that made me better at hiding it. It's gross and shameful but I don't know what's wrong with me.
Can I do this alone? Will an online support group actually help? I am scared but I don't want to involve anyone directly. I should be able to do this myself but how?
Hi Peaches, welcome to support groups. Self treating any type of ED is virtually impossible. While this online support forum is a very useful tool and can be very informative, it certainly does not take the place of a trained professional.
It's not a matter of should being able to do this on your own, but a question of why you would want to even try? Without the proper education and knowledge of all the complexities of your ED it will be very hard. What is the worst thing that would happen if you reached out to your doctor and informed him/her of your problems? Is it fear? Shame?
hi peaches! welcome! this is a very supportive wonderful group and i am glad you found us!
gina is right you need to get professional help for this. you need to come out and tell someone. it is very important. with ED --it ruins your health, relationships, happiness, life, dreams goals, it is a monster. you need to trap that monster and kill it.
to do so you need help--a support group, support team, ED therapist or treatment...
so glad you came on here and thanks for sharing and yes recovery is possible and wonderful!
congrats on joining here and for opening up. i think this will be your first step towards recovery. but yes, gina and maureen are completely right, bulimia or any other eating disorder is not something you can handle alone and you shouldn't have to.
and it seems that your family and bf are already there to help and support you too so please accept that help.
try to find a professional or a group,maybe even speak to your family doctor to start with.
we're all here for you but regular therapy is irreplacable!
Welcome and well done, Peaches, for plucking up the courage to join here~ you are certainly not alone, and I agree with the others where getting some sort of therapy is essential. With the right therapist for you, it should make your challenging journey much smoother, because a good therapist will tell you from the outset that it's you who's going to be doing the hard work. It is WORTH IT =)
I have suffered with eating disorders since I was 10 years old. I had seen therapists on & off for a good 15 years and the only one who advised me well enough so I could help myself eventually was a psychologist who explained to me how brain chemicals and the digestive system/chemicals are so interlocked.
She also explained how the human brain interprets past issues and trauma, and how this can lead to various disorders, including ED. Most significantly, she taught me how to *reprogram* my brain, so to speak, so that other issues I had (like low self esteem, BDD, self-harm, etc) could be tackled as well as the ED.
You have made a courageous decision to take on this disorder and refuse to let it rule your life anymore. I believe you can do this, now all you have to do is believe =) we're here for you, you are not alone~