Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, and this whole sorta thing all together, but I recently realized how problematic my depressive mindstate has gotten. I need to talk to people who actually care and understand, and people who also have issues of their own to share so that I truly can believe they understand. Everything started for me with a girl I started working with a while ago, we hit it off and dated for a shortwhile about 2 weeks after she got hired until she broke things off with me for her ex boyfriend. I don't know why but even though we were together for a small time I fell very very hard for her, and even after we dated we still worked together everyday which made it harder to get over her. Eventually we ended hanging out again and one day having sex, after that she told me basically that it was a mistake and she's now back with her ex once again. This whole situation messed with my headd and makes me wonder what's wrong with me(because her exboyfriend is verbally abusive and treats her awful)? Just recently we both got laid off and havebt seen eachother which has been nice because I'm not constantly around her wishing things had been different now. I want to date and meet others however I have already tried that and really hurt a girl emotionally which made me feel awful so I'm waiting til I'm ready. I also smoke weed regularly, initially it started as something for fun with friends but now that I'm jobless I've been trying to stop because I need a new one and a clean sytem to get there, but I felt almost as if I need the high to be happy, and now I feel like I need something more and I've been looking into purchasing some cocaine, however I realize that's a bad idea because I'm almolst positive ill become dependent quickly. I don't know what to do with myself, I can't get over a girl I shoulda have been over a long time ago, I lost my job, I always want to be high, I'm lossing my home and I've just realized a much I've screwed myself up for a 19 year old. Please give me any thoughts on how I could help myself and if you know any depression support groups in orange county ca that have in person meetings id love to know about it.
Thanks for reading,
Sean
i am sorry you are suffering so much...there are alot of very understanding and supportive people here. you are in a good place here, i think. it is hard to fall for someone like you did and then have them change their mind. i think i might be able to explain that behavior - if it is at all helpful to you (if not, then I apologize in advance). if your lady friend is in an abusive relationship she may well have been reduced to "trauma bonding". it doesn't look like much from the outside, but on the inside for the lady it amounts to brainwashing. it is quite diffficult to break away from and requires a lot of work on the part of the lady to help herself. typically it is about 7 times before the lady can get away (not all situations are like that, some more some less). so - i am sorry for both of you for that if that is the actual case.
i googled and found this site
www.hugs-oc.com might have a list of support groups in your area
i hope you find something useful out there
warm wishes
sun
You have you whole life a head of you. I can tell that you are aware of this as you are looking for help.
First you need to really think about the future you would have had with this girl. Do you think you could have trusted her? Sounds like she may like to play games with people. If this is so, it would take its toll on you.
You need to stay busy and find positive things to keep you busy. I agree with Sun. You need to find a support group.
One small step at a time. You seem to want more out of you life, so keep moving in that direction.
good Luck
@sun
Thankyou very much for the information, the trauma bonding sounds like a pretty accurate description, because that's what completely confuses me, I've never heard her say anything good about the guy, only bad story after story. Also thankyou for the link, means a lot
Sean
@tright
That's just the thing, I'm aware I have problems with wanting what I can't have and being attracted to self destructive situations, but my feelings for this girl have been the same through the ups and downs which is weird for me. Pretty much everyone I've talked to about this think she's playing mindgames, and I honestly want to believe that because I think it could at least let me be mad at her for what's happened between us, but, I have close(ish) friends who are very close friends of hers who have told me that she does have genuine feelings for me and other things she's said that insinuate she does care about me. The other thing is that she lives with this guy and has nowhere to go otherwise, which could be why she chooses him too. Now I know some of these things I hold onto are just false pieces of hope but I honestly don't think that this girl is a bad or manipulative person, but someone confused with more problems than me. I want to help but since our last "thing" she's been a bit less open and distanced herself pretty greatly from me. As for keeping myself busy, I've been trying by starting a new band, but its really hard to get my mind off her, losing my job, family problems, and getting high in some way. I really wanna get into a support group badly, its just been difficult to find one and I won't lie, somewhat scared to(in a stagefright sorta way), its hard for me to open up to people unless they're close to me or its as anonomys as something like this.
Sean
Sean, first of all, give you the honor of coming here willingly for support and for sharing your pain and experiences. You need the sustaining influence of early encouragement, support, and advice in order to find the light of day. So I want to acknowledge your focus on the goal ahead. I am sure that Orange, Co. California has a local Crisis Intervention Service, Community Mental Health facility or other volunteer Clinical Links available for your issues and needs. Just go online to your close proximity for the establishment of your choice.
Sean, you are attempting to analyze why your girlfriend departed your relationship so abruptly. And what is worst in this matter is that she went from a seemingly gentle relationship with you and downgraded to a rather historically abusive one with a former lover. You are now hung up and stuck on finding a satisfactory conclusion. Right? Since you really had not known this girl long enough to connect with her by solid characteristic bonding (her mind and soul mingled with your own), it is most likely the sexual part of the relationship that you are grieving the most. Bungled to the grief is the loss of you job. Now enters the compulsive desire to comfort your mind by giving in to drug addiction.
Grief is appropriate for people, things, and matters that mean so much to you. A job and the love of your life is important. So it is natural that you are grieving. Your former girl and the loss of employment have left you to deal with residual anger as well; it is all converging upon you at once. The positive thing is that you appear to be in touch with your thoughts and feelings, which means that your are not in a chronic state of emotional
shock.
Would you rather be on the treatment floor of a hospital in a torrent spouting out at the mouth, sobbing and screaming while others attempt to clinically drain your long-pent-up rage? No. Not a pretty sight.
Now let’s picture a normal Sean. You are flushing out your emotional toxin by strong personal resolution. Logic flies all over your mind and body. Change the formula of your daily distructive thoughts and habits. Restore yourself, Sean, to a positive rhythm of life. Make a list and notes of what you desire to accomplish in your productive life. Dream big! A new job, a new girl, all is within your reach as long as you imagine it to be. Only you, Sean, stage the plot of your recovery. The consequences will be that you will come to terms by your past and no longer be enslaved by it. Empty, sweep, vacuum and put out any matter attempting to dwell in your thoughts that hinders your recovery process. I see a positive, healthy, balanced Sean. Sit back, relax and enjoy you and your contented life.
Thanks for your support I really appreciate it. :)
But even though we didn't go out long we worked together and hung out after work everyday almost and for a while even before we dated, so I really miss her for more than just sexual reasons, sex has never been super important to me. I miss her for her. But even so thinking about that and everything else that's been so downhill lately does push me to get high