i am 24 a guywhen i was a kid i was obsessed with washing my hands for a long time but some how got over it i dont know why or how, ive liked women my whole life always been attracted to them ive never been attracted to men what so ever. I met a girl and fell in love with her she had been through an abusive relationship and bad memories haunted her so she became distant she avoided me and for a month i fell into deep depression drinking a lot and crying. Then my brother set me up with a girl and she was nice easy to get along with nice enough body but i wasnt really attracted to her which in thought was weird. I came home was watching tv and heard the word gay and a thought came in my head that maybe i was gay and thats why i wasnt attracted to her it became obsessive thought unwanted and it the only way to get rid of them is drink or sleep i'm still depressed it gets worse throughout the day then managable again sometimes ill see a guy and it'll spike ill think hes attractive and something tells me i want to be with him its frustrating and disgusting it depresses me gives me thoughts of suicide just to stop it but i cant do it because of my family i dont know what to do ive always liked women untill this **** happened a month ago ive had trouble with women they seem to ignore me and not care about me and had bad experiences they cheat on me and you always hear horror stories about having kids getting married and the women cheats or treats the guy like **** men seem so miserable when theyre married so something tells me guys treat you well so be with them its ridiculous i cant be around too many guys or i get anxiety over it i just want to drink and sleep ive always and still feel im meant to be with women but my mind tells me otherwise and it brings back anxiety, the girl im seeing gives me an erection when she teases me oh by the way im still a virgin and that stresses me out too im scared if we do it she'll leave me because i suck at it she thinks ive been with a lot of girls and i worry if i dont like it or something it'll trigger gay thoughts. i cant function i go to work get worked up when i get these thoughts then it exhausts me and i sleep or drink the rest of the day, when im with this girl i dont get theses thoughts but do when shes not around sometimes i do something feminine and it triggers it no matter what i do i cant avoid it and when i convince myself of a symptom of ocd my brain switches and like adapts and changes i said to myself im definately attracted to women then it says no your not you get along with men better and thats who your attracted to. with this depression to i have no sex drive so its another trigger when i see a attractive girl and i dont want to have sex with her unwanted thoughts come into my head help please!!!!! sorry this is so random the only time its stopped completely is a week ago i had a health scare and i didnt think about it at all i obssesed over my health which actually feels better id rather have health problems to focus on which is sad
i think as we get older our minds change and so does our obsessions. i used to say sorry like a 100 times when i was a kid. now i wash my hands all the time. plus other things i do ritualistically. i am on medication though and it has really calmed down my anxiety and the ocd doesnt seem as bad. i would talk to a doctor or therapist. its no fun living like this. as far as the gay thing goes im not sure what to say but i do know that i have heard that with ocd you can have disturbing thoughts and be paranoid about whatever it is your thinking about. so it doesnt always or necessarily mean your gay. my best advice would be to see a therapist though because they are trained professionals who could give you good advice and have more explanations. i definately would get on something to help with the ocd and anxiety. no pills do not fix everything but i find that they help me cope alot better and i can handle my ocd better and the anxiety doesnt overwhelm me like it used to plus i can get through my day better instead of having to do stuff constantly interfering with what i need to do. please let me know how it turns out for you.also life isprecious and know that if you do turn out to be gay it does not make you a bad person. i have a lot of friends who are gay and they are really nice people it does not make you lesser or more worse of a person. people who know you if they are your true friends will accept you no matter what.
hello mental99. I'm very sorry for your troubles with your ocd and your thoughts regarding your sexuality. I'm no expert in ocd and may not be able to advise you there. As for the disturbing thoughts, I'd say maybe just let yourself feel what you want to feel without judging them. For example, let's say a 'gay' thought comes to mind or if you see a guy and that triggers a 'gay' thought. I'd say don't fight it and just let it happen. Then analyze it afterwards. I think this way at least you get a chance to fully assess yourself and where you stand. Also, just because you may get a 'gay' thought does not automatically mean you are gay. It's been said that most men experience some 'confusion' at some point in their lives (they of course won't admit it due to the stigma of being gay).
As for being a virgin, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you may have sexual anxiety. A good suggestion if you are going to get intimate with a girl is to do only what you feel comfortable doing. If you get nervous about the sex then don't do it. You can always tell her you are a virgin if you feel comfortable doing so. You can still have a sexually satisfying experience without having sex.
Overall I think it's important to identify and address each issue individually. For the OCD, ensure you are being properly diagnosed by a professional and are taking the right medications. For the sexual issues, as foxy pointed out seeing a therapist about these issues will be very helpful, and as I mentioned, just let yourself be free in feeling certain emotions just so you can better assess yourself. And as for fears about marriage and relationships, do realize that a lot of people marry for the wrong reasons and that if you ever do decide to enter a marriage or relationship, you will do so for the right reasons and with someone with whom you feel safe, secure and comfortable.
Sorry I wrote a lot but I hope some of this helps. Please keep us posted.