I need help with this. My brother touched me when I was lit

I need help with this. My brother touched me when I was little and as I have thought about it I can think of times he would do things even when I was four years old. A year ago he saw me sleeping naked because he just walked in without knocking and I am not "allowed " to lock the door. My mom always gets mad at me and starts calling me dirty pig when I do. She said that when she found him having me touch him. I guess she thought it was my idea. I'm 28 now but I still get so triggered by her calling me that so I stopped looking my door. He walked out when he saw me naked but then he knocked and I covered myself and let him in. He said he wanted to leave my puppy in bed with me so she could be warm. He started to pet her on my bed but then he touched my breast and I just froze. Then he tried to touch me down there but I pushed him away. I knew he would try to have sex with me when he got home so I locked my door that night I was just so scared I didn't care about what my mom would say. He sent me a text and I told him it was wrong and I had never wanted it. He said he was sorry. Since then though these "accidents" happen where he will graze my breasts or bump into me, but he doesn't pull away when it happens. He will put force into it so he can feel my breasts squeeze. He does it in front of people so even if I tell people will think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He has also started invading my space. It looks normal to anyone who sees it but I still have this bad feeling about it. Am I being too paranoid? Could he really be just normal and I'm making a big deal?

1 Heart

I'm not an incest survivor but my best friend molested me when I was 13.
Do I understand you are 28 yrs old and continuing to live w your mom & brother?
How unfortunate it is that your mom cannot understand the need for females to have locks and PRIVACY?! Also she has no need to be calling you any shaming names- she's a grown woman, you're a grown woman. That's not how incest and assault is taken care of.
If your family cannot understand or respect your safety, you need to figure out how to get out of there.
Yes, if your gut is telling you it's WEIRD that he's brushing up against you & you don't like it than it's WRONG.
FIND a counselor thru county services, report to authorities and document police reports.
They can direct you where to get help. Please take steps to get help out if that atmosphere!

@Littlesis7 I don’t have any work and haven’t been able to find any. My brother is the one who is paying for my basic needs so I can’t leave. I’m not eligible for most help programs because I don’t have legal status in the US. I am stuck. It is good to hear that someone believes that my feelings might be right and he might be trying to be inappropriate again. I don’t like to think like that about my brother but my body feels wrong when he’s around sometimes

Sorry I haven't been able to respond -my computer stopped working & doing this by phone, not great.
Sorry that you are "stuck" living in a very controlling atmosphere. I know it's easy to say, don't let the negativity destroy you but I am one voice out here living with depression since I was 11.
Let's just say I did a lot of meditation & giving my sorrows to my God, my Higher Power bc the burdens became too heavy to bear. I married someone very controlling (I could not leave) and gradually I became stronger, standing up to him...I wanted my daughter to see a different way to live. A confident way.
My life took many twists. At your age, my child was constantly hospitalized for disease.
It felt like bad challenges kept coming year after year...
Honestly, I should've realized how STRONG I was!
I will pray that you are given strength and wisdom and most of all - opportunity for change.
The hardest task after all for me?
To learn to forgive those who hurt me. Time does heal somewhat but I need deep, spiritual help. I had to look outside myself. It's a daily lesson to learn.
I have a simple question?
Should you learn some SELF-defense moves?
You can easily learn them from YouTube videos.
Then if you are touched, molested, pushed, etc...you can respond back and blame it on your "instant knee-jerk reaction!"
Oh well if he gets "hurt" he will think twice?? Idk...just my opinion.
Hugs - don't give up!

1 Heart

@Littlesis7 "thanks for letting me vent to someone. I do take karate saying something came from that. I wasn’t even able to talk about it for a very long time. Thank you I will think about what you said and I appreciate the prayers. I hope we can chat sometimes when things get tough for either of us