Hey everyone I don't know what I'm doing with my life. 5 years ago I was rapped. For many years I have been trying to cope with it. For long periods of time, I would get past it and not let it affect me. But now it is just hitting me hard line a pile of bricks. This past year I have had multiple acts of sexual encounters with many men and I hate it. I have no disrespect for the gay community but I hate myself for using my body like this. I really see myself with a wife and kids in the future (not to sound corny) but this is keeping me further and further away from that. I don't have any emotion or affection when I hook up with guys. I don't what to do can someone help? Thanks
livefree-
rape is about control. being raped is the complete loss of control over ourselves. control is a psychologically satisfying experience; it empowers us, informs us. so getting raped is a complete violation of that principle. consequently, rape victims tend to seek out ways of taking control over their sexuality, and hypersexuality is a common response. that lack of emotion or affection speaks to your approach to sex now- maybe to you it is less about enjoyment and more about remaining in control the entire time, controlling the situation in a way that you couldn't when you were raped. this sounds like bogus pop psychology, but it rings true.
now just because your long-term notions of life involve a wife and kids, this doesn't mean they're realistic. after all, who isn't raised to believe in that vision? I think your chances of fulfilling your user name and actually living free have a lot to do with coming to terms with your sexuality, letting go of mirages of the future that have no practical meaning, and finding someone with whom you can be comfortable sexually.
K