I need some advice. I have always known I'm attracted to girls but have always had boyfriends as it was just easier and "that's what you do". I have never liked being intimate with any past relationships and find it gross and cringey but did it because "that's what you do when you have a boyfriend" with a girl, compleatly differant. I have a boyfriend at the moment but it's getting so bad I'm refusing to be intimate with him and when we have tried I freak out about it and start cryin because I just can't do it and just don't want to, it grosses me out. Because I have had boyfriends (I also have children) I guess I feel I can't be a lesbian as I have "been" with guys. I'm not really sure what to do.
Do what makes you happy.
I was the same. I find men, women, and trans attractive, but if I had to put them in order I'd say men are low on the totem pole. But i'd only ever been with men pretty much all my life because it was easier due to social norms. You have to do what makes you happy. You can't force yourself to be attracted to a sex if you're not. And that attraction is an important part of a romantic relationship. There are no "rules" as to who you are "allowed" to be with as long as it is a consenting adult. I hope you find love, my friend.
Hey, I've got 2 children myself and I'm bi. Don't feel like you can't be whoever you want to be because of anything or anyone. Maybe you should try to talk to your boyfriend, he probably has no idea what's going on and maybe telling him will resolve the situation. Pm me if you wanna talk XOXO