I need some advice. Please no judgement for what I'm about t

I need some advice. Please no judgement for what I'm about to say. My boyfriend treats me like crap and I'm having a hard time leaving him. Idk what is the problem but everytime we are together in person, he is nice and sweet to me and cooks for me and rubs my feet and does stuff for me like a guy should. Then when I'm not with him it's like he becomes a whole different person. When he's in a bad mood he says very hurtful things. Tonight for an example, an old highschool classmate of mine passed away and I was sad about it and he told me, "well you shouldn't be sad over someone you didn't know". I tell him it hurts my feelings but he just doesn't care. All he did was complain about how cranky he was and that he wanted to go to bed and If I pushed his buttons he was going to dump me. We have an argument almost everyday about something when I don't see him and he tells me that I'm the one trying to start an argument when all I do is try to tell him how I feel. Then earlier tonight he makes comments like I shouldn't have a heart for people because then you get pushed around which basically he does push me around. I don't understand how one person can be so different in person versus over the phone. Why you ask I haven't left? Well I have genital herpes and I have a hard time finding someone who is accepting of my medical condition. He knows about my medical condition and chose to stay. So I feel like I have to settle for him. Idk what else to do. I need some major help. I would love perspectives from both a guys and a girls point of view. I know y'all will probably think I'm stupid but I literally put up with this ALMOST every time he's in a bad mood or isn't feeling well.

1 Heart

Your story almost sounds like mine, but he had the herpes and he was the one being ignorant. I felt like he was the best I could do, since he's the only guy that had ever paid any attention to me, but it wasn't good for me. And I know it's not good for you, especially if he threatens to dump you over such little things. It may take a while, but you'll find someone else. I was miserable with him, and if you're not happy, you know it's time to go. And he seems self centered too, which is no good. He should've provided at least a little bit of support for you when your highschool classmate passed. But before you do anything, I honestly think you should try talking to him first, really see what's going on with him. Maybe there's something bothering him that you don't know about.

And don't worry, there's no judgement here.

But I must be extremely honest when I say this is definitely not a healthy relationship. And the not having a heart is a red flag.

@ellie.d I have tried. He always apologizes the next morning and acts like nothing happened. He’s come from a very abusive home life. He’s dad did some terrible things to him. He was even stabbed by his own father. I know that has something to do with it but I just don’t know what to do. I have NEVER had to deal with him being heartless or horrible to me in person. Idk how the heck someone can have two totally different personalities like this.

@allycat21 just because you have a medical condition doesn't mean that you have to settle for a man who doesn't really care about you when you are apart. You deserve much better.

3 Hearts

@puppyeyes very well put

@allycat21 I have type 1 diabetes, and it has been 10 years since I was diagnosed. My condition is not stable therefore it is a bit harder for me. I know it is not the same thing, however, I was also in your position once. I was basically bullied because I was sick. After a few years, I realised that the disease was not a curse but a wake-up call. I got rid of the evil people around me and focused on myself. I suggest you the same. Don't give up. Hugs!

@puppyeyes well I ended it with him. I found out he was cheating on me :cry:

@allycat21 I am so sorry to hear that. He didn't deserve you. He was a cheap person, and he deserves someone cheap like himself, not you. You are going to do much better than him.