I need some direction and help PLEASE

Im new to this site and new to this situation, so Im not sure what my part is or what I can do to help. Ive been with my husband for 14 years, and met him when I was 19 years old. When I met him we were young kids and we experimented and partied together. When I was 21 we decided we should start our family and had our first son. After that all recreational partying ended for me. My husband also stopped partying but I knew occasionally he would smoke weed. We started getting older and that also started to disappear.

Three years ago my husband hurt his back at work moving a refrigerator. He was constantly complaining that his back hurt and finally went to the doctors office to have a MRI done and get on medication for the pain. He had never been on pain medication daily before but he had so-called friends who were using Oxycontin. When he went into the doctors office he led the doctor to believe that he had previously been taking it also so the doctor prescribed it to him. He didn't choose to tell me about the medication he was taking because I am an RN and knew how highly addictive Oxycontin was.But months later I did end up finding out the truth and his reasoning for doing that was so he could continue to work and help support our 3 children.

Months went by and I started noticing mood changes and anger towards the children and I. I figured he was just wasn't happy with me or something going on in his life. He told me that he wanted to get off the medications he was on and the only way he was gonna be able to do it would be to stay at his aunts vacant house so he didn't take it out on the kids and I, so I let him go and we visited frequently.

I then found out that behind my back he had moved in one of his so-called friends thats was really into the oxycontin, xanax, and anything else he could get his hands on.( I wasnt happy to say the least) But shortly after he had moved out he had gotten laid off from his job and his reasoning for letting his friend move in was to help pay the bills.

Months went by and my husband started talking to me about coming home because he was no longer taking so many pills and it was under control and he was only taking something when his back was really bad, so I decided to let him come home and believe that what he was telling me was the truth.

After he came home I still noticed that he was very edgy with the kids and stressing out about EVERYTHING. I also started noticing that my medications were disappearing. I confronted him about it and he came after me hitting me, yelling at me that I was accusing him of things. i called the police and they took him to jail for the night.

He called me as soon as he got there like nothing had ever happened. But admitted that he had taken a couple of my pills (half the bottle) because he didn't want to ask me for anything because then I would think he was still doing them bad. He called me the next day begging me to get him out of there because he was sicker than a dog and didnt want to stay in their one more second,so I posted bond and got him out.

After he was out we talked about what had happened and he said he didn't even remember hitting me. The next thing I know he started talking about going to a rehab facility. I got all the information he needed and the next thing I knew he was being admitted inpatient for 30 days. I thought he was just having difficulty with getting off the pills but he called me from rehab with confessions. He had asked me if I knew why he was there, and I said yes because of the pills. He said is that all you think I'm doing, and I said yes, that's what you told me you were doing. He then went on to tell me that he has been snorting heroin. I asked him for how long and he said for about a month.

At this point I don't know what to believe, i don't know what is the truth. i don't know how to help him or if I even can. I feel like the life as Ive known it is over and the one person who has been by my side, I don't even know him. I also found out that he had stolen all my jewelry and took it to the pawn shop for cash. i had to go buy all my stuff back.

I just want some advice, he keeps calling me asking me if he can come home after he gets out of rehab. I don't want to leave him if hes serious about getting better, but at the same time I'm scared of him and have 3 kids to worry about. If somebody can please help me understand whats going on or what I should do or think about I would really really appreciate it.

Hi hurtingnmich, Welcome to SupportGroups.com. I am so very sorry for all you have been going through. Your husband is an addict. One thing addicts can be is untruthful about what is going on with them. They will try to "hide" it. If you want to know how he is doing, maybe you can check with the rehab he is at and see if they will tell you anything. For yourself, I suggest checking out Alanon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and Naranon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ . Those are groups for family and friends of alcoholics and addicts. They can give you face to face support. As for whether to stay with him or not, only you can decide that. But make sure you put your kids and you first before everything else. Keep sharing with us. We are here for you. I will say a prayer for you. ((((hugs))))

they have a group called codependents that i think will be good for you. i understand that you have alot of hurt and anger going on. but your husband has a serious addiction and he made the first step by admitting that he was powerless and sought help. some people don't even attempt to get the help thats out here today. your husband did. this is just the beginning of the process and it won't be easy. but at the same time, you must take care of yourself and your children by getting help for yourself. try the group out. im sure that they have one in your area; it's called codependents anonymous. it truly works. you and your family will be in my prayers.

Hi hurtingnmich and blessed32, How are you both doing today? We also have a forum on the site here on codependency http://codependency.supportgroups.com/ . I posted about codependency this morning here http://codependency.supportgroups.com/sg/codependency/codependency . Keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

My family and I went through something similar with my step-dad. I think it's great that you want to be there for him but you should keep in mind that you and your children come first. He has to beat this himself. Keep giving him your love and support as long as you feel and effort on his part but watch your wallet. Your family has a very long road to recovery and forgiveness a head of you and I hope you are doing well.

Hi everyone! Hugs to you, hurting much! I will pray for you! I second what everyone has said thus far. You need to be the strong parent for your children right now. You also need to take care of you so you can be there for your kids. If you haven't found a therapist for yourself and your kids, find one! You will eventually need family therapy. But right now, one day at a time! Let us know how you are doing!

Here you go sweetie, He is an addict He lies about everything..Get as far away as you can, Don't talk to him Don't see him Don't let him come over to see the kids unless you have a neutral 3ed party there and he takes a blood test every single time he comes Keep the testing material on hand.

Great that he tells you he has changed..He can come back home when he has a full year of clean and sober..Its on him to preform to get back in.

No he doesn't get back in Take your kids and leave. Get to CODA, and any other 12 step program you can.

This is not the guy you married and Maybe it is...It's not your job to take care of him and your part of the problem..You think you are..Your already a caretaker You need to STOP Take care of YOU first than your kids

He is on his own And so do you Need to be