I am the mother of two wonderful sons, Justin (10) and Matthew (5). It all started when Justin was 5. I was pregnant with Matthew and my emotions were out of control. Justin would do things that would irritate me or not do what he was told, being a kid, and I would lose my temper so quickly. I would spank him when I was angry, sometimes a little too hard (at least I felt guilty that I had spanked him too hard). He started Kindergarten and almost daily, I would receive a behavior note from his teacher. He is unruly in school, moving around in his seat, distracting other kids, hitting, kicking, he even spit on another kid. These things appalled me, but I would try to reason with him and listen to what he had to say and hear his justifications for doing these things...problem was, I didn't care why he did it, I just knew it was wrong and he needed to know that too. I took things away, screamed and yelled, rewarded good behavior, spanked, did everything I could think of that was in my power. Nothing worked. He is now in 5th grade and is on our Pop Warner football team. He seems to like it, but I think it's because he can tackle people without being yelled at. He told me yesterday that a couple of kids were picking on him, pushing him, and he grabbed the face mask of their helmets and threw them to the ground. Understand, my 10-yr-old weighs 140 pounds and is 5'2". He's a big boy and very strong, and he knows it. I feel like his anger issues are a direct result of my lack of disciplinary skills as a parent. I guess what I'm looking for on this site is some guidance. Should I be the one seeking help, or should I try to find help for my son? Oh, and now his 5-yr-old brother sees how he disrespects me and thinks he can do the same thing. I don't have to discipline Matthew as much because he's a totally different kid. He actually listens to me most of the time and when he doesn't, I can get eye to eye with him and explain why he's being disciplined. Apparently he gets it because I see results. I don't have the power struggle with Matthew like I do with Justin. I've told Justin over and over that he needs to stop disrespecting me. He tries to talk back to me and I tell him that I am the parent and I am entitled to the last word. When I'm done speaking, unless I'm asking for a response, the conversation is over. Well, I'm sorry this is so long, but if I could just get some advice or have someone point me in the right direction for help, it would be greatly appreciated!
Welcome to Support Groups, I admire you for sharing your story & being aware of the impact that you may have created w/Justin directly or indirectly, would be wise if both you & your son sought counseling as children learn by what they are raised in & if you use to spank then children learn to hit rather then being taught at an early age (when their born) other alternative methods for coping skills in life.
I have 2 sons now 18 & 26, trust me would be better to start other options available ASAP if affordable to nip this now before hes a teenager. Being a mom is the hardest JOB on the planet. We're here if you just want to talk,vent,share your feelings.
Take care of you.
April