I need someone to talk to. I am getting really frustrated with my ex. One day he says he wants hang out and the next day he says its not a good idea. I sent him a card I put all my feelings into and then he was acting up and then I told him to just throw it away when he gets it and then he says he will. Last night, i asked if he got the card and he said he did and then I asked if he threw it away he said not yet and its on his dresser and later he said he had already threw it away and he lied. And today he said "The truth of the matter is i'm nervous to see you. I don't know whats going to happen and it would just be easier to never see each other again." But right now the plan is to see each other on saturday. Obviously a lot has happened in between what I just said like a lot of arguing and fighting and threatening to show up to his home and bringing his mom into this. I AM EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED BUT I WANT TO SEE HIM. I hate how he doesn't say much and never says how he feels and never takes risks and just sees me. why is he afraid of things going back to how they were?? He is dragging me along in this stupid process and it is heart breaking every single day. I obviously still love him. He obviously feels something or he wouldn't be trying to avoid me. Am I crazy? I feel like i am going crazy.
Iwontgiveup...You are not crazy...Your relationship has reached a kind of a
"crisis" stage...I have a question...What exactly do you want from this per-
son and this relationship?...Answering that for yourself might give you a
new, fresh perspective...Respectfully...LARRYPSYCH...
I want things to go back to how they were. I want us to work on things. I feel like the more we talk(ON THE PHONE) the harder things go. I feel like lack of communication has ruined everything. He went from being 3 hours away to an hour and a half. But ever since we broke off the engagement, it was all on the phone even the breakup was on the phone. i love him.
Fyi I’ve learned that when you give to much info like your feelings in your card, it gives him the upper hand to be able to manipulate the situation. Reserve your feelings, pour them out here with your SG, you already told him how you feel, no reason to sound like a broken record, men need time to access things. Remember men and women are total opposite. Leave him guessing and you’ll see how quickly he will switch up. However don’t give in easy, your worth the wait , time and effort. And key word Expectations to all these things because that’s how you truly feel and regardless whether he is responding to ur new found self you’ll be mind body and soul unaffected
Sounds like my situation, clearly you both still love each other and have reservations about the relationship and probably because of the arguing. He probably feels the way you do too ( fustrated, hopeless, confused) . Larrypsych has a point , what do you want and what are you/him doing do meet both expectations, in relationships we have to compromise and make sacrifices. In my situation I'm trying to come to terms that neither one is willing to do both, I'm walking away hoping that by removing the presures of the relationship will help us communicate better and establish a friendship so that if we do get back together our bond is stronger. However I have no expectations of getting him back. In the end if they love us they will be there.
I have to agree with you. For whatever reason, men if they feel you don't want them, they will pursue you. Maybe they need time to really realize what they have and if we as women don't give them that chance to miss us, then they just won't.
We Women( some) like to nurture so it’s easy for us to want to show and talk about our feelings, it’s not men’s fault we raise children to act this way in society with our gender roles, boys are taught to not cry, toughen up and deal with it vs girls. On another note its a turn off…I mean think about it, if you met a guy and he was pushy and persistent we wouldnt like it doesn’t give us room to do what we women do play hard to get, flirt ect. Same for men. It feels great when a guy does something out the blue unexpected they just need time…
But I don't want to play that game. Life isn't a game. I'm not playing games anymore.
I totally agree 100% that’s why I emphasize that it only truly works if you feel that way, if your tired like me work on a better you don’t stress about the what if’s it’s meant to be it will happen gradually and unexpected, atleast this way you’ll both have a clear mind on what you both need. Never make decisions when emotions are running wild, take a step back breath and wait. It’s like buying something on impulse, you wanted it that moment but felt quilty after…the unfortunate part is that relationships are as easy as a simple return
But its reality. If you were this strong women when he met you and that's what he loved about you, he's not going to love it when you become this weepy, creepy, clingy, female right? think about it. Be that same strong women that he met and he will come around.
I'm not saying you can't be nurturing, because yes, as women we are by nature, more nurturing, however people have a tendency to chance once they get the person they want. Whatever the attraction was (not physical) we need to remember that and stay true to that. If they wanted the opposite, then they wouldn't be with you (us).
Thats why relationships aren’t easy…ppl get comfortable and forget that the real work begins after a relationship established.
I agree. I have to say, I've learned a great deal in my short 2 weeks on these boards. About myself, about others views, about patience, about what really matters and what doesn't. All I can do is thank everyone because I'm no saint and I'm no judge nor jury. I'm just a normal person who makes mistakes who is trying to deal with pain and sadness and realize that its ok to feel this way and still live my life.
I understand what you guys are saying and I agree with it. He is not a monster, he cries in front of me, he has done a lot of sweet and caring things for me, etc. We have gone through a lot of problems though. I have messed up and so has he. I feel like there is an outside influence on his side. But then also my mom hates him at this point. It has been hell on both of us. He is avoiding me on purpose. He knows if he sees me, things will come up and he will miss me. He is the one that pushed for a serious relationship and dating and then getting engaged. He really loved me but after everything thats happened, it feels like a movie or something. I sent him the card after we had a really good night texting and laughing and kind of flirting but as I said he is hot and cold. He is unsure of what he wants. I know I hurt him and he doesn't want to get hurt again and i feel the same way and I am scared and unsure if i even want to try again. I am talking to other guys even but you know how there is that one person you can't move on from? He is that man for me. I just love him deeply, a lot more than I thought i did. He was going to be my husband. I know there is a lot of work to be done on our relationship and I am up for it and I would rather fight with him than anyone else but his bipolar attitude towards the situation scares me and holds me back. I need to know that he is willing to do anything for us and I don't feel that way.