I need support please

I'm a new member, really looking for some support- man oh man has this whole thing gotten tough.. allow me a moment to explain-

last December I stopped eating and went from 130 lbs to 110lbs (at 5"8"). I've always been health conscious but this was something new entirely (especially considering how much I LOVE food)

around February I started to binge eat and purge, became vegetarian (on and off of course), stole roommate's candy/ food when they were gone and the entire cycle spiraled out of control

Two weeks ago I explained the situation at hand to my mom, and since being back in college, the dorms, binge eating/purging and laxative abuse has increased beyond whatever I thought was imaginable.

I'm trying to find a specialist as well as a nutritionist, and I've started to eat 6 mini meals through the day and I exercise everyday- at least once. my meals are only 100 calories but if I eat anything more, I bust out of control. I'm bloated, drinking bazillions of gallons of water whenever i can but..

I'M DEATHLY AFRAID OF GAINING LBS but I know its because of the underlying issues of course. I just can't bare the idea of gaining weight- and of course since eating 6 meals and drinking my body weight in water, at this moment, I weigh 105 and binged on dried apples and had 2 Special k bars that I stole from my roommate. luckily it stopped there but it had been 6 days since my last binge and now I'm scared, lonely, and feeling HUGE

astrait, stay strong this is a great step to get healthy. Its good that you realize you have a problem because then you can get help. I am glad that you are trying to find a nutritionist, but are you seeking therapy as well? i think therapy will help especially to deal with what triggered all this. i would like to tell you not to feel huge, but i know you see yourself so differently. you are a beautiful person, and it will take some work to get healthy. keep focusing and doing what you are doing to seek help and you will slowly get there.

ok astrait-----welcome , to support groups....

please----NO mention of weight, calories, dress sizes, or numbers on this site, cause it can be triggering for others on here....we try to keeep thing safe here....

but welcome....

im glad you are taking the first steps by coming on here.... have you seeked help? yes there are underlying issues going on here and you need to get help for your eating disorder----do you have a therapsit? support group? freinds you can tell? it is hard, but you can pull thorugh this and be much better...

and live without number without weight numbers or dress sizes or worrying about pounds.... and not care--it is possible

and i know you feel 'huge' nd are afraid of gaining weight and fear loss of 'that fake control' but there are other issues at hand here and you could be taking it out on your body...so when you do treat those issues weight gain---will not be as scary... and the 'control' you once thought was control will be revealed as the fake lie that it is --just fake....

freedom is much better than weight loss or control

wishing you the best