I need to rant... am I just complaining too much?

Relationships Family Relationships
1

Hi,

This is my first post. I really need to talk to someone. I have no-one I can talk to at home. I don't want to share my feeling because I get critized or get told how I am all doing it wrong, and I just want an objectional point of view.

I am the sole money earner in my family. I have two young children and my husband is starting a new career.

I feel like I am responsible for everything and he does nothing, but I am expected to do everything - household stuff, meals, look after my youngest full time, get my oldest ready for the day, for school.

My husband only focuses on what he wants to focus on, never looks up to help. I am fully supportive of his new career, he's had a very hard life and a hard time getting what he wants and now he's finally happy doing something - until something in his day doesn't go right, then he just yells at us all and tells us how unhappy he is. Then the next day everythings back to normal.

I am completely disorganised as a mom, I feel like I never have enough time to get organised. My 5 year hold is a handful, she always has been, but now I try to have fun with her and it just ends up in fights. Something always happens that I get so mad at her. She never listens, she's always rude to me. When she doesn't get what she wants she call me names or hits. But this is my fault I guess. I started smacking her as discipline and it got out of control. I don't like hitting her, but sometimes I get so mad!

I guess my real issue is that I do get mad, I get mad becuase I have worked for so long, I never really get an opportunity to spend quality time with anyone. I have to ignore my kids if I want to get work done (when I say ignore, I mean not playing with them, I don't mean leaving them alone playing with knives or anything). When I ignore them they get loud, when they get loud my husband gets annoyed and thinks I can't control them, then I get mad because I wish I didn't have to work. So when I stop to spend time with them, he gets annoyed because he thinks I am screwing around and not working. But when I work too much, he gets annoyed at that. I work an hourly rate from home, which is why my time = money.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't do anything right. I am depressed. I feel trapped.

Am I just complaining? Should I just shut-up and deal with it? Or am I expected to do too much and working full-time, being a full-time mom and home-keeper is just unrealistic.

I'd like to hear from anyone else who has a similar situation and how they deal with it.

Thanks for your ears....

2

Hi Lost_in_me, welcome to Support Groups, thank you so much for being here with us and for sharing. Please know that you can share as much as you like with us and as often as you would like, we are here for you and here to help you in any way that we can.

You are absolutely right for feeling the way that you are feeling; you are truly Super Woman for doing all that you do and keeping it as together as you have. I am totally in awe of you. Though, of course, anyone would feel beyond overwhelmed with all that you are responsible for, it's far too much for one person to handle. You are expected to be a career woman, wife, mother, housekeeper, and cook.....I am a career woman and also try to do as much as I can for my family (parents and siblings) and I feel beyond overwhelmed.

I think that it's very important for you to sit your family down and explain that you need help around the house and that there are certain times that you need your own quiet (work) time. Your husband needs to stop being all about himself; it's not right, he has a family to think of and life is not all about him. We all have bad days, but it's not okay to take it out on others and you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around him. You've done him a massive favor by supporting him in a new career where you are carrying the burden of the household. He needs to step up.

Please know that you can come here and vent anytime that you need to, I am here to help you through this in any way that I can. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

3

Thank you very much for your reply puppydoglvr.

Just knowing that someone is out there and listening makes me feel so much better and less feeling that I am all alone.

4

Lost_in_me, thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate it. How are you doing and feeling now? Just checking in.

5

My suggestion is that you work on having inner peace in your life..... Your husband also needs to stop being so selfish and be more of a team player, you are complaining because you are totally fustrated, and the man you are married to is not fully in sync with you in terms of support...

Simply put, you aren't equally Yoked......

I am going to suggest that you make an effort to have peace, to find time to find a quiet spot, Tell Mr, Hubby that He can watch the Kids for an hour, you are going to focus a bit on resting your mind. If he gives you crap, simply give him an indignant look and walk away. You have a right to do that, and he should respect it.

I would suggest not stiring up any issues for now, just work on inner peace. My concern is that you can slowly develop some resentment( and I am hearing some) and this can become unhealthy, It's hard when you are constantly under the gun to focus, thats why you need the time to yourself.