I realized on Saturday that a friend of mine, or so I though

I realized on Saturday that a friend of mine, or so I thought, is largely because of my efforts. I listened to my therapist on Monday and she said not to message this person unless they do first. After almost 3 years I thought things would be different. I guess I was wrong.

So do you mean they haven't messaged you first in the last 3 years? Had you been messaging them first? That's hurtful when the other person doesn't put any effort into a friendship.
Could you try to think of things to do that would make it easier to meet others? For whatever reasons that person isn't interested in a friendship so consider not messaging them at all and move on from them.

@Fohb460 We’ve been messaging nearly every day for almost 3 years up to about a week ago.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I have been going through some of this myself but for other reasons. I have lost 5 friendships in the last 2 years and a lot of it comes from when I confronted them over things that were going on in the relationship that was hurtful to me. Seems like when you decide to care for yourself that you find out who your friends really are. I have one good friend now that I feel close to and care about. It hurts to go through this but in the long run maybe you will find out what real friendship looks like and instead of wasting time on those that don't value you, you could find someone that will see you and value your friendship.

1 Heart

Its definitely hard but you learn to go through it. Ive lost a lot of past friendships but dont let it make you hard. Do everything with love and not because of an expectation. If people text back, great But if they dont, try your best to take care of you. The more expectations you have of other people will lead you to more disappointments. Maybe take a step back and focus on you

2 Hearts

I’m dealing with something similar where the 2 friendships I have it’s always me messaging them first or making plans first. One of these friends is going through a lot so I have to take that into consideration. However, my therapist said the same thing to wait until she comes around first before messaging them. It does suck though.

1 Heart